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  1. #1
    Cal123 is offline Newbie 510 points
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    Long Distance Relationships

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    Bottom line - do they work?

    My bf and I live on the west coast, I am going to MERP (Miami) in December and hopefully Dominica after that. We've been together a long time...but I don't know if he's "the one." But then again, maybe he is - I'm just not sure yet. He has a great job - he is willing to fly out to Miami, Dominica...wherever...in order to keep things alive. We considered breaking up to save each other such an ordeal, but decided to make it work. But, what's it really like when you get there and your bf/gf is a zillion miles away? And how do you make it work when so far apart?


    C

  2. #2
    Manny22's Avatar
    Manny22 is offline Member 510 points
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    Mono No Aware (japanese : the sadness of things)

    My bf broke up with my after the interview...just as well, i've made decisions for myself as far as my life is concerned and they do not take family life/relationships into consideration... and for good reason.
    There are questions that you can ask yourself if a long distance relationship is right for you ...well maybe not a question but your answer to "how are you going to make it work" and go to school?
    That's ... a touchy issue b/c it's so totally subjective.
    -if things don't work out do you have the time to deal with an emotional rebound if you're a sensative person?
    -if things do work out will he become resentful for the sacrifices he has had to make?
    Last edited by Manny22; 11-21-2005 at 04:30 AM.
    ~child, things are gonna get easier, keep ya head up~

  3. #3
    Junito's Avatar
    Junito is offline Super Moderator 512 points
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cal123
    Bottom line - do they work?

    My bf and I live on the west coast, I am going to MERP (Miami) in December and hopefully Dominica after that. We've been together a long time...but I don't know if he's "the one." But then again, maybe he is - I'm just not sure yet. He has a great job - he is willing to fly out to Miami, Dominica...wherever...in order to keep things alive. We considered breaking up to save each other such an ordeal, but decided to make it work. But, what's it really like when you get there and your bf/gf is a zillion miles away? And how do you make it work when so far apart?


    C
    I'm in a similar situation, except I have been married for 5 years now. It is really hard being apart. It will definitely put your relationship to the test. I found having a cell phone, and internet access (email) is very helpful.
    Juni

  4. #4
    Cheng Ruan's Avatar
    Cheng Ruan is offline Newbie 510 points
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    It's all about having the same amount of trust with each other. Yall can either trust each other to break up, or trust each other to stay together. your relationship shouldn't be a chore. Jealousy is also an issue...I decided to break up with my girl not too long ago and am bound for Dominica in a month and a half
    Fighting Texas Aggie Class of 2005

  5. #5
    Dru
    Dru is offline Super Moderator 512 points
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    A few students and I did an "unofficial" study of the rate of breakups while on the rock. Our stats were fairly dismal...It appears there is about an 85% rate of relationship failure for students while in Dominica. I agree with Juni that it is important to predetermine a daily mode of communication with loved ones, whether it is a parent, sibling, or lover. Trust IS an issue, and your fidelity WILL be tested. It's a well known fact that many (if not most) MD's meet their spouse in med school. If your relationship is at all shakey before your journey to the rock, it may be doomed, and you both may be better off breaking up for the sake of efficiency.

    Other factors that seem to be an issue: s/o's often feel that if you study hard and succeed, it poses a threat due to the fact that you will possibly ultimately be making more money, have more prestige, and be less available to them for companionship after you become an MD. If these are issues, you may be better off coming to the rock without emotional baggage.

    On a brighter side, if you decide that your love runs so deep that you want to continue a long distance relationship, and do so successfully, it may be a brilliant testament to the depth of your love. Kudos to the 15% that survive.
    Moderator - Ross University Forum

  6. #6
    singer is offline Elite Member 511 points
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    maybe not

    Quote Originally Posted by Cal123
    Bottom line - do they work?

    My bf and I live on the west coast, I am going to MERP (Miami) in December and hopefully Dominica after that. We've been together a long time...but I don't know if he's "the one." But then again, maybe he is - I'm just not sure yet. He has a great job - he is willing to fly out to Miami, Dominica...wherever...in order to keep things alive. We considered breaking up to save each other such an ordeal, but decided to make it work. But, what's it really like when you get there and your bf/gf is a zillion miles away? And how do you make it work when so far apart?


    C
    CAL123:

    You said you and your bf have been tosether a long time. Ihave be n married 31 years and it took me 6 months to know that LUV was there. After many year of being with yor bf your should be able to make some sort of decision. Maybe what you need is some freedom to "play the field"

    Good luck
    When you become my age you will realize all of the hard work and studying was worth the effort.
    "60 years young" another 60 to go if my doctor sons keep me alive with free prescriptions!!

  7. #7
    alpathmd is offline Moderator 510 points
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    my opinion....

    Quote Originally Posted by Cal123
    Bottom line - do they work?
    NO they don't.

    If you do want to try, there has to be ALOT of trust and communication between you two.

    Also, to succeed on the island, you can't bring your worries and troubles from the US to the Rock. Save yourself emotionally and financially, break up now before you regret it.
    Ross University Forum Moderator

    Dr.A.
    PGY-3 Pathology ResidentHidden Content



  8. #8
    sarahtarah's Avatar
    sarahtarah is offline Senior Member 511 points
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    im in the same boat. my beau is far far away and just thinking about the time difference and the energy im going to have to put into studying will i be able to fit him in? we're going to try and make it work.

    being without him is just so hard.

  9. #9
    nataliestewart21 is offline Newbie 510 points
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    Leaving my Husband

    My husband and I have been married two and a half years, and I am leaving for Dominica alone in January. The way I see it, if you want to be a doctor and your sig. other supports that goal, the short term struggles and separation are worth the long term benefits. I will miss him greatly. He is my best friend, but i want to be a doctor. He knows and supports that.

  10. #10
    chucktastic is offline Junior Member 510 points
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    down the road...

    I thought I'd offer a different view to those that have been expressed thus far. We all know the difficulties that lie behind long distance relationships... however it becomes an easier decision outside of the confines of wedlock. Once your married I truly believe that the struggle is a long and arduous process when dealing with long distance relationships, but that these obstacles MUST be endured... however once we've completed our time abroad we still have Residencies and clinical rotations that may very well keep our time even more limited than when we were abroad.

    So if you're not married, and you're already a bit sceptical of your relationship I truly believe now is the time to focus on what YOU have chosen to do the rest of your life. I guarantee that you will lose nothing by severing ties with the bf. You will meet a plethora of guys who share similar goals, attitudes, and personal qualities that you obviously exhibit to merely get to this step in your medical pursuit. If after your basic sciences in Miami and Dominica your boyfriend out-shines every guy you ever encountered, then it will be the greatest exhibition of what you do have and at that time you should probably chase that down. If he's a quality guy, he'll probably still be waiting around for you to return... if not, you'll both have the answers you needed.

    I think it's too easy to get trapped by the overwhelming emotions that exist in relationships. Just realize it's a big friggin world out there, and a lot of us Canadian guys will be sending flowers daily in efforts to acquire a green card to ease into Residency. Unless you don't like flowers?

    ck

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