Match Lessons From Italian Designer Valentino

[themadmike]

The Italian designer Valentino was once asked "what do women want?" Valentino turned to the questionnaire and smiled and said "Its simple. They want to be beautiful."

I'm sure more than half the men in the world would not know how to answer this question. Its a question that some have tried to explain in books and books across the centuries...lol Its surprising the answers that you learn about when asked the right question. I think we should all take moments of our lives to answer some of life's "simple" questions.

If someone was to ask you today "what do you want?" what would your response be? Being that this is a blog mostly read by inspiring doctors and those struggling to match, it might not be surprising if you answered "I want to be a doctor, I want to get residency" But I think the question can go a bit deeper than that. I think deep down inside what we all want is to be happy-It is possibly the single reason as to why you are doing what you are doing. Studying and trying to be a doctor and trying to get residency is your goal and it is what you feel will make you happy. Even though I would partially agree with this, I would say that happiness goes beyond residency, and goes beyond wanting to be a doctor. I think true happiness and long lasting happiness goes beyond what you dedicate your life too. I was reading a book called life lessons by Elizabeth Ross, and in that book she talks about the single most important desire of those that are in their final hours of life. And the thing they most cling to. The thing they most want and appreciate is Love. AT the end of it all. At the end of our working days and at the end of retirement. When you look back at your life, and you look back to see what was really important in life, it was the relationships you formed with others. It was the special bonds you had. It was the special moments you spent with the persons you loved most in this world. Certain moments in life are defined by the people you choose to spend your life with.

You might feel that you have failed in your quest called life. You have struggled year after year trying to get residency only to have your hopes and dreams crushed by a single email from eras stating "You did not match." 4 or 5 words that have changed your life in more ways than one. Even now while you read this you are somewhere in a hospital doing an observationship, or your in a university or office trying to do clinical work or doing research. you have spent countless hours on forums trying to learn about what more you can do to better your situation. THe countless questions from family members that mean well, but do not simply understand what you are going through. Friends and family members that don't see your broken heart. They don't see the countless hours you have spent crying at the thought of your future. But I'm here to tell you that the purpose in life is bigger than what we sometimes imagine it to be. Maybe happiness can be found in the simpler things that surround you. Although what you do in life is important, it doesn't define who you are as a person. The meaning of life is more deeper that you think. What is truly important and special in life is closer than you have ever imagined. The more hours I have spent in my residency (almost 100 hours a week) the more I long to go home and spent time with the person I love the most in this world-my wife. I'm not the only one that feels this way (residents in my program all enjoy their time out of the hospital).

The more time you are around death and people that die, the more you understand how fragile and short life could be. And although you want to help others and make a difference in the lives of those around you, you also need to find special time for you to always get the most out of life. Continue to work around for the things you want out of life, but don't forget the most important thing-love. It is what can bring happiness to your life. Its is what many of us our truly searching for. Love can give happiness and it helps you to bear the struggles of life. You will find strength to carry the burdens of this life in the people that surround you. It is found in the time you spend with your loved ones. It is found with the time you spend with your friends. Don't let the true meaning of life pass you by.

But what if you are alone in this world? What if you are someone that doesn't have a family or someone that has been rejected by others and you feel abandoned by someone you once loved. What if you are someone that is "alone". Maybe your someone that searches through their cell phones, and looks through the list of friends without having someone you can truly talk to. No one that can understand you. I would tell you that your not alone my friend.

The heart and pain you feel in your heart. The hours spent in darkness. The hours you have spent in hopelessness. And the feelings that no one understands you. All of these emotions has maybe let you to believe that you can't take it anymore. The struggle to match and ge residency is too much to bear. Your heart is broken. You have no one to go to. I would tell you that there is someone you can go to. In fact, only someone that could see inside your heart. Only someone that can see your thoughts and see your emotions can truly understand what you are going through. In fact it would have to be a person with supernatural abilities and almighty powerful to be able to do that. And I believe that person is God. God can help you in your pain. Life can be a trauma sometimes, and it can be unbearable at times. But don't lose hope. God can help you. He can give you the strength you need to deal with the burdens of life. With the struggles that make u cry.

A story is told of a boy a couple of years back that decided that he wanted to have a puppy. he started to have a paper route in his community so that he can save enough money to purchase a puppy. One day on his way to the paper route. He found a sign in front of a farm that read "Puppies for sale $25" The boy was ecstatic and went to the farmer to inquire about the puppies. As the boy spooke to the farmer, the farmer turned around and whistled the puppies to come out. The boy lay on the ground and was greeted by three small cute puppies that played and licked his face. As a few minutes pass the boy noticed that there was one more puppy walking out of the barn The puppy was very fragile and limping. He could barely walk. The boy asked the farmer "who is that?" To which the farmer responded "that is the run of the litter. Today I'm going to take him to the back of the yarn and shoot him. he is a burden to every one. Can barely walk. he would have to be carried every where he goes. He is useless." TO which the boy enthusiastically said "I want the puppy!" The farmer said "that one? you sure? nobody wants that one." The boy at this point stood up and walked towards the farmer. He was limping. HE got closed to the farmer and lifted up his pants on his bad leg to chow wooden stints he had. He had been diagnosed with polio as a child and was handicapped. The boy turned to the farmer and said "He is gonna need someone that understands. And I understand."

My friend God understands you. Jesus loves you. God loves you. God can help you bear with life. He can heal your heart. Search for God and he will find you. he will not abandon you. You can dial God anytime and anywhere by deep and honest prayer. Talk to God as if you were talking to a friend. In the darkness of your room where ever you are. In the middle of a class room in your mind. In the middle of the day. where ever you are reading this. take a moment to pray to GOd and talk to him as a friend. Open you heart. Ask him to help you bear with these tough timse. Ask him to Help you see the goodness life has to offer. Your troubles might not go away, but God can help you to bear them. The difficulties and Bad things that happen to us have no explanations sometimes. Countless time people try to blame God for all that happens in this world. The bad things that have happened to you should not have happened. And their is no explanation sometimes of why they happened. Life is unfair sometimes. God never promised that we would not have problems, but what he has promised IS Help. HE has promised to give you his peace. You are not alone. You don't have to walk life alone. You are loved. You are wanted. Don't give up. GOd is a friend. Yours. God can bring light in your darkness. You don't have to tread life alone and in fear. God will guide you through the storms. God will cry with you. He will not abandon you.

Good luck in these years match. Keep doing everything you can. What you do in life Doesn't define you. The people that surround you in life is what defines your life. True meaning in life is found in loving God and loving those around you. When you need strength and meaning in life remember these two things.

God bless

Dr.Mike

Thank You God For Residency

[FAIZA H.]

What a beautiful message...I am sure it will help a lot of People who have worked hard and struggled long for obtaining the coveted residency or are still in the process.we should never lose the bigger perspective of life...like you said,the one beyond residency and work.

Thanx for sharing it with everybody.

[Helicon]

Dr. Mike,
I usually skip those long posts like this but I enjoy your post and read every single word. Thank you so much.

[IMG SURVIVOR]

I will stick this post.

<H5>Ask, Seek, Knock

7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets

That is why We must ask, seek and knock with faith.

[egy cardiac surgeon]

its a simple way frnd

[themadmike]

I wanted to take this time to address those that have recently applied to the 2009-2010 match that opened on September 1. I wanted to address those that have applied and offer some tips that have helped me in the past. I went through the match about three times, so I understand what many of you are going through. Their are a lot of questions that you might have , and I will try to address them here. The biggest question I think You all have is: I just sent out my applications through eras, is there anything I could do now? or How can I get some sleep from the anxiety from waiting on the replies of the programs? or Now what? or How often should I check my email? or Should I call the programs? There are a few things that you can do to ensure that you have done enough to better your chances in this years match.

1. Even thought you have sent your applications, call all the programs again if you can and ask them their criteria and confirm that they received our application. (you should have done this initially but it is never too late) It helps sometimes to call these programs, and you get a human voice on the other line. once the secretary tells you the qualifications, tell her that you will sent or have sent the application, and thanked them very much. You just never know if someone on the other line might like you. The secretary at my program screens the applicants all the time. If they hear a friendly voice over the phone, they just at least might take another look at your file.

2. When you receive rejections from a program, just double check to make sure you didn't make any mistakes. I had some rejections in the past because my letters of recommendations were missing on a few applicants. If you made this mistake call them and let them know your updating the eras.

3. If you have recently published or recently started a clinical externship, send the program an email letting them know you are starting this and you wanted to let the program be aware. I know a few residents in my program, that had recently published a paper after the eras deadline and she emailed the program letting them know of this NEW occurrence, and she was granted an extra 2 interviews. Programs like to see that you are always improving your CV. But you need to let them know this. A brief short polite message, don't over do it.

4. Find ANY contacts you think you might have. Put your ego aside, and start asking EVERYONE you know who might be involved in a residency program. Put your ego aside, you never know where it will take you. I got an extra 2 interviews this way. Ask them if they can help you out in ANY capacity.

5. If you have family members those are nurses, janitors or cooks in a hospital, call them and ask them if they can pick up an application for the residency program. A lot of these hospital workers have been in hospital 10 plus years, you never know who they might know. hospitals like keeping it in the family. they don;t necessarily have to be doctors.

6.Go back and Review all the programs that you didn't apply , and see if their are some that you can apply ONLY after calling them directly to see if you qualify.

7.Check your SPAM in the email, I got send an interview once in my spam box !!!

8.make sure you read rejection emails correctly. They will sometimes tell you what you missed or that your application is incorrect.

9.Value the interviews that you get. Even if it just one. Dress well, talk slow and BE YOUR Self. DOn't try to act like someone you are not. And treat everyone you meet with respect. Even the Hospital janitors on the day of interview. And try to learn the names of the people that are interviewing you.

10. And last but not least. try to relax!!! At this point you have done almost everything you can. What more can you do? What matters at the end off all this process is not necessarily an interview or a spot in residency. It is knowing deep down in your heart and soul that you gave it everything you can. that famous quote "Leave it all on the court" the saying rings true. You have done everything you can. You have spent years preparing for this. Now it is up to destiny it is up to chance, call it whatever you want. what matters in life is that you do everything possible to achieve your dreams. you have built the boat now just wait for the wind to push you away as destiny sees fit. Your life and mines are all written. I believe you have a destiny. You were meant to read this. You were meant o be where you are now.

You are probably very scared and frustrated. you have borrowed cash to apply to these programs, or you have maxed out your credit cards. What more can you do? Nothing is the response. You have done everything. you are not a failure. you have achieved a lot to get to this point. Passing your usmle. Working 10 years in graud schools. Now it is time for fate to take over. Your job is finished. You do not control the residency program directors mind. You cannot force anyone to give you a position. You have odne everything possible. The rejection letters will come. And they will hurt every time you see them. But don't lose heart and don't give up. It doesn't mean you are a failure. It only means that your time in that hospital was not meant for right now.

If you are reading this you have already succeeded in life. You have walked the long journey. you have made it. you have achieved your ecfmg certificate. be proud of that and look back at your life if you doubt your successes. Being a doctor is not the ultimate fulfillment of your life, it is simply a part of it. Living life to its fullest and Living life as a positive human being that is true success. Loving those that surround you, whether good or bad, that is true success and achievement in life. that has value. At the end of the day ask yourself &quot;Is there more that I could have done? Was their no stone that I did not turn?&quot; If you answer is no, then rest in peace my friend. You are a winner in life already. You have not given up. You journey has already begun since the day you started and ended medical school. time spent learning knowledge that helps others, is never a waste.

What you do in life doesn't define you. Who you surround yourself with and who you choose to spent your life with, this is what defines your life. True happiness in life is found from living those around you and loving God. sigmund frued was once asked who he preferred to treat the rich or the poor? Sigmund freud answered "I rather treat the rich, because they understand that money can't solve all their problems."

You are now at a crossroads in life. You feel like what will happen in the next few months will determine your future. I would say that it is only partly true. the future is hidden from all of us. Know one can see into the mysteries of the future. Your life has meaning and you were meant for great things in this world. You have already succeeded in life. Succeeded in accomplishing medical school. What happens now will happen. Call it fate, or call it guiding by oOd. As a spiritual person I believe are Lives are guiding by God. And although we still have problems in life and although sometimes its painful and doesnt make sense, I believe god is their to GOd us through the good times and Especially the BAD ones.

Be at peace today. You have done all that you can. Their is no more you can do but be patient and Let Life and God lead your life. Ifin the next few weeks you feel heart ache and you feel lost, remember you will always have a friend. You are not alone in this world. You don't have to bear disappointment alone. God cares for you. Jesus Loves you. Keep your head up. he will walk with you through these trying times. Although their is no explanation for why you did not get the interview you wanted, or the hospital you tried so hard to get accepted too, know that you are not alone in your pain. God sees the heart he can help you bear the pain you feel. don't Give up !! You can do it !! you are doing it!!

God Bless you

good Luck

Dr.Mike Thank You God For Residency

***********************************************
I asked for Strength... And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom... And God gave me Problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity... And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage... And God gave me Danger to overcome.

I asked for Love... And God gave me Troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors... And God gave me Opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted... I received everything I needed!


Thank You God For Residency: Day 445 For those That are Frustrated & Anxious About 2009 Match !

[rokshana]

have you thought of using paragraphs?

[kananaskis_girl]

talk about Stream of Consciousness.....kind of hurt my eyes a bit to read through it, but thanks for the advice

[citizenimg]

have you thought of using paragraphs?

LOL!.... my thoughts exactly...my brain is hurting from that.
Good post though.

[themadmike]

sorry guys I fixed and edited all the mistakes... Take care