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Thread: Bible Stories

  1. #1
    rosethorn_14's Avatar
    rosethorn_14 is offline Senior Member 510 points
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    Bible Stories

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    STORY OF ELIJAH



    The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"






    A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"



    LOT'S WIFE



    The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"



    GOOD SAMARITAN



    A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."



    DID NOAH FISH?



    A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?"


    "No," replied *****. "How could he, with just two worms?"



    HIGHER POWER



    A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" One child blurted out, "Aces!"



    MOSES &THE REDSEA




    Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt When he got to the Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked. "Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never


    believe it!"



    THE LORD IS MY ********


    A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous.


    When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my ********, and that's all I need to know."



    Church Smiles



    There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.



    While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.


    Caution: Do not step in exhaust.''



    Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."



    Give me a sense of humor, Lord,


    Give me the grace to see a joke,


    To get some humor out of life,


    And pass it on to other folk!
    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

    ---Gandhi

  2. #2
    FOID's Avatar
    FOID is offline Ninja Moderator 9415 points
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    how many times did you cut and paste this? i thought it was deja vu when i read it for the 3rd time.
    Posterior Fornix!

    ValueMD Super Moderator

  3. #3
    rosethorn_14's Avatar
    rosethorn_14 is offline Senior Member 510 points
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    sry, i had it saved on Microsoft word and i found it yesterday as i was cleaning my files. I think i pressed the V key one too many times, but i edited it.
    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

    ---Gandhi

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    FOID's Avatar
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    phahahaha. for a second there, i thought it was deja vu. good find though. =P
    Posterior Fornix!

    ValueMD Super Moderator

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    rosethorn_14's Avatar
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    well, if you go to church it is deja vu. Religion would get a huge member ship boost if they came up with new material
    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

    ---Gandhi

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    DRDRWMD's Avatar
    DRDRWMD is offline Elite Member 515 points
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    Creativity is not a characteristic typically associated with church people. I do have to say, some doctrines are creative, which makes them interesting.

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