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  1. #1
    momof3boys is offline Junior Member 510 points
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    Any suggestions?

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    Hi everyone,

    I am in the process of applying for admission and I am scared my husband will say no by the time I break the news to him. We have been married for eight years and have three wonderful boys aged six, five and two. I need wisdom to be able to convince him to either follow me to the Caribbean or stay back in the States with the kids while I go.
    Any suggestions?

    Thanks
    momof3boys

  2. #2
    yasvini is offline Member 510 points
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    Well it all depends on your husband's job and his views on the situation. May be you could work out on a solution after you change his ideas on the matter.

  3. #3
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    BelleStarr is offline Newbie 510 points
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    I don't know a way to convince your husband to pack it up and come with you, but I do know that you should not wait until you are already accepted to tell him you want to go. My SO, now in his second semester of med school, waited until after he was accepted. He never even shared the fact that he was trying to get in with me. He waited to tell me since he was afraid I would not give "us" a chance if I knew he would leave for a while. He's might have been right - but I can tell you that it hurt far more than he did not include me in his plans than knowing that I have a year or two alone without him while he's at school. I wonít lie - Its extremely difficult to do the long distance thing - especially with both of us so busy with life that its hard to find time where our schedules overlap enough to talk. But to add on top of that the feeling of being deceived is not good. Talk to him about it now ASAP; find other people who have taken families with them (try finding the SO group for school to which you are applying) and find out how they coped. I know that my SO has several friends on the island who have their families (kids and all) with them down in the Carib. So it can be done. The long distance thing can be done as well we are proof of that. Since you have been together for 8 years I am sure you have been through rough patches before and have obviously weathered them well. This is just another rough patch to jump over. It wonít be easy, but you going back to school even in the states would not be easy. Medical school is time consuming and hard on a relationship no matter the distance situation. I canít remember who originally had this saying in their post but I have it on my desktop at work Ė it reminds me all the time just why we are going through this: Nothin' to it but to do it! As I keep telling myself: The regret of a missed lifetime opportunity will far outweigh the sorrow of a temporary separation. The key to making it work is to be honest and open with your husband from the get go hiding it will only make him resent you going to medical school. Let him be involved in the process of you getting in wherever it may be. Best of Luck!
    **
    "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
    safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
    sideways, chocolate in one hand, margarita in the other, body thoroughly
    used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

  4. #4
    momof3boys is offline Junior Member 510 points
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    Thank you bellestarr for the advice. I have told him and his reaction was not as bad as I thought. I am relieved! I believe we can now work out something.

  5. #5
    BelleStarr's Avatar
    BelleStarr is offline Newbie 510 points
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    Advice

    Yeah MO3B ! I'm glad to hear it went well. Also let me goffer you the advice of DON"T listen to the naysayers on this board or the board for your school. Couples can and DO make it through the stressful time of being apart in Medical School. It's up to the individual couple to find the way that works for them. I wish you the best of luck on your journey!!!

    **
    "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
    safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
    sideways, chocolate in one hand, margarita in the other, body thoroughly
    used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

  6. #6
    sara00's Avatar
    sara00 is offline Member 510 points
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    just wondering why...

    Quote Originally Posted by momof3boys
    Hi everyone,

    I am in the process of applying for admission and I am scared my husband will say no by the time I break the news to him. We have been married for eight years and have three wonderful boys aged six, five and two. I need wisdom to be able to convince him to either follow me to the Caribbean or stay back in the States with the kids while I go.
    Any suggestions?

    Thanks
    momof3boys
    hello there,

    Just out of curiosity...why do wanna become a doctor now? was it ur dream? ...I mean u have cute little lovely kids and on top of that u have a wonderful husband...a perfect world filled with happiness....going to give up all that to become a doctor?...why? ...some dreams stay as dreams....and thats the real beauty in them...cuz when they turn into relality...its not the same taste...

    ...also just make sure...in the end...by gaining one thing...that u will not end up loosing everything...remember life is short...so enjoy every moment!

    not trying to disencourage u...just think again...once more...

    Sara
    "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." - Mahatma Gandhi

  7. #7
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    good for you

    Well,

    I'm in medicine so maybe this forum isn't for me AND I'm in Europe (not the Caribbean - but I lived in the Turks & Caicos for 2 years if that counts).

    Anyhow, I'm a mother of 3 (7 months, 6 yrs. 7yrs) and in year 4 of a 6 yr. medical program. My husband is in Year 5. Almost done. We also work teaching courses for a US university on-line for the DoD. In other words, I'm very busy (and organized).

    Difficult? Yes, but doable. I would suggest you all go together and create a new life as a family. Any relocation takes time to adjust (at least one year) but if you are all together, it will be easier for everyone. Carib is usually safe, decent schools, nice people, fresh food (can be expensive depending). Your husband would likely need to find work. Big part of success of your plan. Also you will show your children a great role model and emphasize through your lifestyle choices how important continuing education is. The long-term benefits will be worth it.

    But, once you decide - stick it out. The going does get tough. I passed my mental hurdle in year 3.

    Good luck. S-

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