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st3ady
04-26-2009, 01:52 AM
Hey there,

Starting Caribbean med school next week, and having thoughts of wanting to end my relationship with my gf of 6 months. She is an Au Pair from Brazil that I met through friends. It has been the best relationship I've had yet, I do care deeply for her and love her very much. I tried to break up with her about a month ago because I knew this was coming and I didn't want to try and maintain a long distance relationship while studying. She cried histerically, shaking, and I ended up taking her back later that night. I think I did partly because her mother passed away over christmas, and her father is not really part of her life (left when she was little). She doesn't have any brothers or sisters so its really tough on her and she feels very alone and sad often. Also, she had an ex boyfriend in Brazil who ended up going to medical school, but she she was the one who broke it off before he left for school. This past week and the week before, I have been trying to spend as much time with her as I can, and she often starts crying, saying how sad she will be when I am away. I tell her I will call her on Skype everyday. She tells me she is happy for me, that I am following my dream, and says that she is not selfish but just loves me very much. I said we would try to do it, but each day that gets closer, the feeling in my gut tells me that it would be better to end it. I don't want to have to worry about spending time having webcam chat sessions every day. I also don't want to feel tied down, I'm not ready to get married. I am just scared of trying to break up with her again after promising to her we would try to make it work, I know it would get ugly. I was thinking about trying to do the long distance thing but try and taper it, make communication sparse, and then eventually do it one day while down there. I am thinking this would be the best route.

Ugh, love is hard. :(

Any guidance, or personal stories would be appreciated, thanks.

maximillian genossa
04-26-2009, 05:51 AM
This thread should be moved to the Family forum.



Hey there,

Starting Caribbean med school next week, and having thoughts of wanting to end my relationship with my gf of 6 months. She is an Au Pair from Brazil that I met through friends. It has been the best relationship I've had yet, I do care deeply for her and love her very much. I tried to break up with her about a month ago because I knew this was coming and I didn't want to try and maintain a long distance relationship while studying. She cried histerically, shaking, and I ended up taking her back later that night. I think I did partly because her mother passed away over christmas, and her father is not really part of her life (left when she was little). She doesn't have any brothers or sisters so its really tough on her and she feels very alone and sad often. Also, she had an ex boyfriend in Brazil who ended up going to medical school, but she she was the one who broke it off before he left for school. This past week and the week before, I have been trying to spend as much time with her as I can, and she often starts crying, saying how sad she will be when I am away. I tell her I will call her on Skype everyday. She tells me she is happy for me, that I am following my dream, and says that she is not selfish but just loves me very much. I said we would try to do it, but each day that gets closer, the feeling in my gut tells me that it would be better to end it. I don't want to have to worry about spending time having webcam chat sessions every day. I also don't want to feel tied down, I'm not ready to get married. I am just scared of trying to break up with her again after promising to her we would try to make it work, I know it would get ugly. I was thinking about trying to do the long distance thing but try and taper it, make communication sparse, and then eventually do it one day while down there. I am thinking this would be the best route.

Ugh, love is hard. :(

Any guidance, or personal stories would be appreciated, thanks.

RussianJoo
04-26-2009, 06:02 AM
TOS violation

davidMD
04-26-2009, 10:01 AM
*************

****....

don't listen to RJ...he's drunk at the moment.

1. I HATE drama. So I'm usually very cowardly about these sorts of things

2. I HATE breaking up girls...just can't deal with the tears...pretending that I feel really bad...the whole lying thing "Its me not YOU" crap...

3. If it was me...I'd do the tapering off technique. You can blame the infrequent communication on the rigors med school as well as bad technology.

4. HOWEVER, if you do break it off now it'll probably save some headache in the future. If she's the clingy sort, long distance will be a pain. She'll yell at you on why you didn't call...or call you up crying because she had a nightmare you were cheating on her with a bunch of amazonian island chicks.

5. OR...you could as RJ advises and be a complete dog & string her along...

dadoc
04-26-2009, 10:08 AM
Start getting acquainted with your palm.

Treat it well and it will treat you well.

Your going to need it

Shiz77
04-26-2009, 10:20 AM
Hey there,

Starting Caribbean med school next week, and having thoughts of wanting to end my relationship with my gf of 6 months. She is an Au Pair from Brazil that I met through friends. It has been the best relationship I've had yet, I do care deeply for her and love her very much. I tried to break up with her about a month ago because I knew this was coming and I didn't want to try and maintain a long distance relationship while studying. She cried histerically, shaking, and I ended up taking her back later that night. I think I did partly because her mother passed away over christmas, and her father is not really part of her life (left when she was little). She doesn't have any brothers or sisters so its really tough on her and she feels very alone and sad often. Also, she had an ex boyfriend in Brazil who ended up going to medical school, but she she was the one who broke it off before he left for school. This past week and the week before, I have been trying to spend as much time with her as I can, and she often starts crying, saying how sad she will be when I am away. I tell her I will call her on Skype everyday. She tells me she is happy for me, that I am following my dream, and says that she is not selfish but just loves me very much. I said we would try to do it, but each day that gets closer, the feeling in my gut tells me that it would be better to end it. I don't want to have to worry about spending time having webcam chat sessions every day. I also don't want to feel tied down, I'm not ready to get married. I am just scared of trying to break up with her again after promising to her we would try to make it work, I know it would get ugly. I was thinking about trying to do the long distance thing but try and taper it, make communication sparse, and then eventually do it one day while down there. I am thinking this would be the best route.

Ugh, love is hard. :(

Any guidance, or personal stories would be appreciated, thanks.

First let me start off by saying Picard is uber cool. Anyways, I was in a long distance relationship a long time ago, ended badly. Your best bet is to remain friends and break up w/ her. That way you can focus on school (and other women) and if you still have strong feelings for her after a couple of years, give it another shot. You'll be back in the states by then.

DrFraud
04-26-2009, 10:37 AM
dude you're a lucky guy an Au Pair from Brazil, that just sounds like something out of a porno! can you post some pics? you should tell her that you still want to be together but want it to be an open relationship that way you can have fun when you're down on the island and she can visit you for some loving too if she wants.

That's a very sexist, racist, and tasteless comment RJ. Is it because of her job or her nationality that this is out of a porno? Pretty disturbing that your going to be looking to take care of patients one day......

dr.thunder
04-26-2009, 11:25 AM
"Take everything and give nothing back" - Pirates of the Caribbean.

Kronos
04-26-2009, 11:52 AM
Sounds like you already made the decision to break up with her. One way or another it will happen (most likely you will meet someone on the island anyway). Do the honorable thing and break it up well before you leave for school. She might be hysterical now but she will thank you many years from now and remember you as a manly man and not a coward who tapered it off. Most guys do the latter and women have bad impressions of men because of that.

RussianJoo
04-26-2009, 12:44 PM
****....

don't listen to RJ...he's drunk at the moment.

1. I HATE drama. So I'm usually very cowardly about these sorts of things

2. I HATE breaking up girls...just can't deal with the tears...pretending that I feel really bad...the whole lying thing "Its me not YOU" crap...

3. If it was me...I'd do the tapering off technique. You can blame the infrequent communication on the rigors med school as well as bad technology.

4. HOWEVER, if you do break it off now it'll probably save some headache in the future. If she's the clingy sort, long distance will be a pain. She'll yell at you on why you didn't call...or call you up crying because she had a nightmare you were cheating on her with a bunch of amazonian island chicks.

5. OR...you could as RJ advises and be a complete dog & string her along...

being in an open relationship is not stringing her along. she can date other guys too. you're just saying you don't want to be monogamous, plenty of people do it.

RussianJoo
04-26-2009, 12:46 PM
That's a very sexist, racist, and tasteless comment RJ. Is it because of her job or her nationality that this is out of a porno? Pretty disturbing that your going to be looking to take care of patients one day......


it might be sexist but it's not racist.. it's the profession. the same goes for french maids in those outfits they wear and nurses sometimes too. haven't you seen that? you should get out a little more.

st3ady
04-26-2009, 01:34 PM
being in an open relationship is not stringing her along. she can date other guys too. you're just saying you don't want to be monogamous, plenty of people do it.

Yeah, I would like that, pretty sure it would not be cool with her though. I figure that if it is meant to be, we'll end up getting back together once I return from the Island in 2 years. Who knows...

Thanks

RussianJoo
04-26-2009, 01:43 PM
Yeah, I would like that, pretty sure it would not be cool with her though. I figure that if it is meant to be, we'll end up getting back together once I return from the Island in 2 years. Who knows...

Thanks

yeah man, since you don't plan on marrying this girl, you can give her the option of staying in an open relationship or just breaking up. tell her you don't want to break up with her but long distance relationships are just too hard especially when you'll be in class or studying 95% of the time. worst case I guess you two will still be friends.

at least you're not going to a dirt bag like some guys and girls (for that matter) on the islands who have long time girlfriends or boyfriends at home and then also have island girlfriends and boyfriends while at school, that's the worst and I have ran into a lot of them on the islands, the funniest part is when their home bf's or gf's come to visit them and they have to tell all their school friends to not say anything to the bf/gf from home and at the same time make up excuses for the island bf/gf of why they're busy and can't see them.

specialknyc
04-26-2009, 08:41 PM
Well... I am kind of confused... you said this has been the best relationship you have had but you want to break up with her? Why... just because you are going to school for a couple of years? The grass is not always greener ... so really put some thought into the reasons you want to be single. Whatever you chose, make sure it is the best choice for you at this point in your life. The first year is going to be a big adjustment for you (being in a new environment and covering material at a pace that you could probably will not expect... thats how I found it at least)


Most people do not stay together with the person they were dating when they started school (according to what I heard and saw myself). Those people who do stay together ... many of them end up cheating anyway. I was not one of these people (to let you know it is possible). Medical school changes a person in many ways so the person she started dating may not be the one she gets back (this may be a good way of explaining the reason for the break).

You do sound like you simply want to be single when at school. I hope this is the right choice for you... only you know. I would try to make the entire process as *nice* as possible and remain friends if you can (I have NEVER been able to do this with an ex ...I do not know why I was always surprised :doh: when it never worked out).

I hope this works out well for you (and her) ...

Best of luck with your studies...

specialknyc
04-26-2009, 08:44 PM
...

at least you're not going to a dirt bag like some guys and girls (for that matter) on the islands who have long time girlfriends or boyfriends at home and then also have island girlfriends and boyfriends while at school, that's the worst and I have ran into a lot of them on the islands, the funniest part is when their home bf's or gf's come to visit them and they have to tell all their school friends to not say anything to the bf/gf from home and at the same time make up excuses for the island bf/gf of why they're busy and can't see them.

It is no joke... And the girls are often times so much worse than the guys...

I was always amused when people put on their *the love of my life is here face* right after leaving their current bf/gf's house to head to the airport to pick them up.

Shiz77
04-26-2009, 08:56 PM
Another thought, you wouldn't want to put all that time and energy into the relationship just to find out she got 'lonely' or 'really drunk' and banged some dude on the side. Not saying she will, but it happens more times than people think. Finding that out in med school will be horrible to say the least.

specialknyc
04-26-2009, 09:41 PM
Another thought, you wouldn't want to put all that time and energy into the relationship just to find out she got 'lonely' or 'really drunk' and banged some dude on the side. Not saying she will, but it happens more times than people think. Finding that out in med school will be horrible to say the least.

Agreed... if you decide to stay together you should be as sure of her as you can before leaving. As shiz77 said... it would be terrible finding that out while away... you will have enough stress (and she will not really understand what you are going through).

anesthetic_ambitions
04-30-2009, 09:26 AM
Sounds like you already made the decision to break up with her. One way or another it will happen (most likely you will meet someone on the island anyway). Do the honorable thing and break it up well before you leave for school. She might be hysterical now but she will thank you many years from now and remember you as a manly man and not a coward who tapered it off. Most guys do the latter and women have bad impressions of men because of that.

This is the best advice. Man up, tell her you just can't do the long distance thing. Ultimately, between the demands of school and the stress, things would probably end anyway. Flights are expensive, you will be broke. When will you see her? classes will take up your time and then you'll need to study. When are these web chats happening? shouldn't you be studying, eating, sleeping, having a nervous breakdown, something? At any rate you'd rather focus on one thing and not be torn with whether or not you're being a bad boyfriend. She'll think you're a jerk, a callous jerk, but better that than a place to exchange gas. Believe me there's a difference and the former is somewhat better than the latter. It's going to suck but it's necessary. Gosh ... Men! :roll:

P.S. ****, omg they totally edited me, "a place to exchange gas". Well you get the point :p

MDisME
04-30-2009, 09:52 AM
My husband and I saw a lot of relationships go down the drain when we were on the island, and they were all pretty nasty. She'll be heart broken now, but not as heart broken as she might be if she spends all this time and money talking to you while you're away. Save yourself the drama. Plus, you break up with her and then you leave, she'll have 4 months to calm down before ever seeing you again. Good luck to you.

FOID
04-30-2009, 11:07 AM
P.S. ****, omg they totally edited me,

yeah, the autocensor does that. try not to get around it though. ;)

sondra12
03-31-2010, 05:56 AM
do what is best

Aluev
07-14-2010, 08:44 AM
break up is a hard experience . . . stay connected is the key to have good relation even if you are far far away . . . !!!

williamholt
08-22-2012, 02:14 AM
great.all the best

carlbolton64
11-03-2012, 12:55 AM
Very nice.Keep going.

mediserve
11-07-2012, 09:33 PM
Hey st3ady....how's you're relationship with you gf now? did you broke up with her? It's been like 2 yrs now!

Downsvale
01-03-2018, 05:44 AM
Hi,
Read your post.Feeling sorry for you.I too have gone through such a phase.Don't break up immediately.Just have patience and try to cut the contact slowly.This will hurt her at some point.But when she get to understand , she will respect ur decision.Tell her your can be Best friends forever.Call here twice or thrice in a month.Once she is used to it.She will automatically get detached from you.

Oliviageorge098
03-05-2019, 02:36 AM
do what you linke

Oliviageorge098
03-05-2019, 02:42 AM
do what you linke

AlbaW
04-11-2019, 05:15 AM
It is very important to support and help students.

Lil_Gail
06-27-2019, 08:03 PM
I hope you tried working it out first while you guys are on a long distance relationship - because it can work if you'd want it to. But if in any case, you really think that it would be difficult for you and especially for her, then I guess, ending the relationship is the right call.







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