A story for all the average students..

[lil-o-me]

Allright, I have been following this forum for some time now but never posted any comments... I read this thread when it first came out and was scratching my head by the time I had finished reading it... I though it was suppose to be inspirational ???.. I mean, I'm really happy that the author matched, but along the lines of being inspirational, it was kinda far from it... ofcourse, hard workers should be rewarded and for that, the author should definitely feel proud! congrats.

Sooo as for my story, which I have kept to myself for some time, I would like to share with all of you "average" students because I too am just like you.. worried, concerned if I am ever going to make it, made some aweful mistakes during medical school which when all combined at the end, I felt that I was for sure going to be part of the statistics which was, "students who didn't match".. seriously, I was scared for myself, my future but most of all concerned with letting everyone down who supported me through the whole caribbean journey/clinical journey...

Like most of you, I went to a caribbean school... It was an ok experience, I'm not sure what it was, but I had a difficult time down there, I wont go too much into it but I did fail a semester. It was one of the most embarrassing/horrific moments of my life. I didn't even tell my parents. I just came back to the island, said hello to all my friends who passed onto the higher semester, sucked it up and attended my classes for the second time...from then on, I did ok.. I wish I could say I got straight "A's" from that point on, but I would be lying... I just did ok from that point on...I ended up with a GPA of 2.5 for my basic sciences. Then I left the island, and studied extremely hard for the step 1. I figured I had to Ace the exam in order to make up for my miserable GPA. So I studied my butt off to only get an ok score (178)... I was upset. In reality, my score was mediocre. I felt as though I was really in deep trouble.. who/what program in their right mind will take me now I though!!!

But there was nothing I could do about it. I sucked it up and began clinicals and ofcourse, everyone was bragging about how they hit the 220/230 mark. Then I seriously though, I'm in real trouble. So.. I did the whole clinical thing and ofcourse while preparing for step 2 I heard of horror stories of good students not getting residency! I was thinking to myself, "if these good students couldn't get residency, I'm really in trouble"!

So with step 2 around the corner, again, I thought to myself, I gotta make it this time, I gotta get a good mark to prove not only to programs but to myself that I am a good student/candidate... so what I did was, I reflected how I had studied for step 1 and from learning from my mistakes, I made a plan and a schedule for step 2... Friends, I wish I could tell you I "Aced" the exam.. but my score came back with a FAIL.

My life was upside down. As serious as it was, I didn't cry. I tried and I couldn't even let one tear out. I thought for sure I was doomed.

I was so a shamed... and I thought to myself, I really am a looser. This was about september 2008 which was also ERAS application season... I figured GREAT what more could go wrong???? So, as my friends sent in their applications to ERAS on september 1st, I decided to hold off. I was actually contemplating of waiting till next year to improve my application.

So while everyone was celebrating their passing with step 2, I would secretly bring my good old kaplan books along with me to my cores and study ... after completing that core, I requested 3 weeks off and let me tell you, I literally locked myself in my apartment... it was just me, my books and USMLE world questions. day and night. this was the battle of my life.

My basic sciences was mediocre. My step 1 was mediocre. and I just failed step 2... I'm really in deep trouble I thought.

So there I was by the end of the three weeks. It was a saturday my test was on. I woke up like every other day. Brushed my teeth. Called the cab. Dropped at the center. And as I walked into the test center door, I said to myself, if anything, let this be my day.

Four weeks after that day, I received my score. I still remember it as though it was yesterday. I opened up my email praying under neath my breath, please please say pass... PLEASE... As I entered the required information, there was the PDF file opening up in front of me...and it said my name... I couldn't see if it said passed or fail.. DARN the computer.. so quickly I scrolled down the page and it said PASSED! Immediately I was relieved.. THANK YOU THANK YOU I was saying to myself... then I thought to myself please please say 200 please say 200... Again, I quickly scrolled down the stinkn page and it read 230!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CRIED right in the middle of Wykoff library. My first tears over this test. I couldn't believe it.

Immediately, I sent all my applications out to ERAS which was about this time October/November. I really wanted to do Internal Medicine but I thought what program would take me?? I screwed up so much already... So, I applied to 50 family programs and a couple IM for giggles. Amazingly, I got IV's for family and IM.

I'm not going to tell you that my interviews went great. Some of them were excrutiating, with questions such as "so.. I see you didn't do so well in basics, can you explain yourself? to "Oh, I see you failed step 2"... But I deserved it and it was fair. Some of them weren't forgiving at all for failing step 2, even with what I thought was a good score of 230, they weren't forgiving.

So, it was time to rank. By the end, I had 9 iv's total. Not bad, right? out of the 9, I had 2 IM (one a university program), 7 family (three university programs). Again, I thought to myself, I really wasn't interested in family.. and if I ranked and matched into it, would i be happy??? and ofcourse, I also thought, would the IM programs even consider me??? What the heck.. I was a gambler with going to a caribbean school, a gambler for even continuing after failing.. what more do I have to loose...

So, I ranked the only IM programs I had interviewed at. My family were so excited BUT ofcourse I had told them about the probablity of matching and how difficult it was and most likely I didn't match and for them not to get too excited.

After rank day, I spent about two weeks compiling a list of hospitals that usually have open spots for scramble, for both IM and Family. Then I felt aweful and silly for not ranking family and I thought to myself, this was probably the dumbest gamble I ever did.. why did I not rank the programs that I most likely would have matched in.. WHY!! I was so mad at myself.. and I kept thinking, being in any residency is better then no residency for a whole year!!

But again, there was nothing I could do. As soon as I accepted my actions, i continued with my list for scramble day, I even bought a top of the line fax machine for scramble day and wrote out my emails to those programs already, the only thing needed was for me to press PUSH.

So, there I was on match day. Worst day of sleep ever. I got up at six am. I was anxious not because I wanted to know whether or not I had matched, but more so, I was anxious about scrambling, finding programs number and fax numbers... I really was in a WHATEVER mood. Well, 11:30 turned to 11:45 which turned to 12:00. My friend called me up and said "SOOOO,,, did you check?".. I said "NO, I didn't match anyways.." He then asked if he could check for me, and after some convincing I gave him permission to check. So he typed in my NRMP number and password and there was a moment of silence and then he said "congratulations, you matched"!

I thought he was kidding around at first. And thats when I called him a very bad name and said, it's not funny. Ofcourse, I checked it myself and guess, what I did match! Three days later, I found out I matched into the only university IM program I had ranked...

Bottom line to this long long dreaful story, believe in yourself, you don't have to be perfect, there is room for errors as we are human, aren't we? No one is perfect and if you are, good for you.. but to my friends who are reading this who is like me, normal/average, continue with your dream.. you can do it. when you're down and feeling depressed, read this story again....

God Bless you all.

[lil-o-me]

this comment was towards another thread titled "I matched and how".. I was worried no one would see it, so I posted it on its own thread.

Comment as you well, but it was meants to inspire those who have little or no hope. I wont be posting anymore. Again, I only registered today and wrote this in response to the thread I mentioned earlier and to give hope to everyone seeking a little from Lil-O-Me ...

[cavalletti]

Thank you for your heart felt story. Your transparency is genuine. Very inspiring.

[DOCplucinski]

what a great story...best one i've heard in a long time

[cantaxind]

Dude..GREAT JOB. Yours i can def. say is an inspiring story. Best of Luck in all your future endeavours.

and I thank you for giving hopes to prospective AVERAGE residents.

[s15]

"So I studied my butt off to only get an ok score (178)... I was upset. In reality, my score was mediocre"


Isn't 182 or 185 a passing score for step 1?

[DOCplucinski]

maybe he meant a 78 (double digit score) or a 187...?

[Tipton]

You rocked it! Drinks are on YOU.

[lil-o-me]

187... sorry for the sloppy typing. typing as fast as i can here in the library. would like to remain anonymous. And thanks for reading this. Im glad it has inspired some. Its the first time I have actually EVER revealed to repeating a semester and failing a step... it feels liberating to do so, for that I thank you all.

[intern_doc]

WOW !!!!!!!!!!
now that's INSPIRATIONAL....
CONGRATULATION.....