On a lighter note, here are some doctor jokes:


The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you."
"Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone."



Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.



A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Owe, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ouch, even THAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis; "You have a broken finger."



Doctor: "I've got very bad news. You've got cancer and Alzheimer's."
Patient: "Well, at least I don't have cancer"



Wife: Doctor My husband thinks he's a satellite dish.
Doctor: Don't worry I can cure him.
Wife: I don't want him cured I want you to adjust him to get the movie channel.



Bob to X-ray technician after swallowing some money:
"Do you see any change in me?"



Nurse: Doctor, the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step what should I do?
Doctor: Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!



Did you hear about the Siamese twins?
Everything goes in one ear and out the brother.



Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
He's fully recovered.



A mother complained to her doctor about her daughters strange eating habits ." All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?"
"Eventually," said the Doctor, "she will rise and shine!"



"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus."
"Don't worry, it won't happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia."



A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"
He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron."
The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"
He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"



Patient to the eye doctor: "Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain."
Doctor:"Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking."


Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.


I hope Steph or Nimitt dont lock this thread.

A few more jokes. Enjoy

Doctor: "It's no good. I can't find anything wrong with you. It must just be the effects of drinking."
Patient: "I'll come back when you're sober then!"




Top Ten Things you dont want to hear in Surgery:

1. Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
2.Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?
3.Damn! Page 84 of the manual is missing!
4.Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!
5.Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
6.Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
7."Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
8.Whoa, wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
9."Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, he's got two of'em
10.What do you mean "You want a divorce?"




An old couple at the doctors:

The doctor tells her, "Before we proceed with the examination, I would like to talk to you about your husband first."
The old woman says, "Oh, no, it's his heart. I told him to lay off the eggs."
The doctor says, "Well, I asked your husband how he is feeling and he told me he felt great. He said that when he got up to go to the bathroom, he opened the door and God turned the light on for him. When he was done, he would shut the door and God would turn the light out for him."
The old woman responded, "Damn it, he's peeing in the fridge again!"

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.

The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."

The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

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A doctor said to his car mechanic, "Your debit is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."

"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every year."

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The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor."

"Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"

"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."

*********************



"The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks."

"And did he?"

"Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."

*********************



A fellow walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

A few minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room.

Ten minutes later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

Fifteen minutes later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles."

The doctor said, "Where?" He said, "Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?"