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  1. #1
    urgentcase is offline Junior Member 510 points
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    Need Help On Personal Statement

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    Hi Guys,
    I'm applying into 3rd year from an american school into MUA. I have been told that my personal statement is lacking, but I see nothing wrong with it, and at this point am stuck on how to improve it. Can anyone please give me some feedback.

    I have come to the decision of becoming a physician over many years. At this point, this is the only thing that I see myself doing for the rest of my life. Iíve put my desire to become a physician through the test of time by choosing not to go to med school right after college. I spent four years working and helping my family. To pursue medicine I walked away from a high paying job, a masters in the field, and an almost established career in the field of business information technology. I have made the final decision to pursue medicine as a fully mature adult. I knew that this was a very difficult and treacherous rite of passage, perhaps the most difficult journey of my life. Yet, I expected nothing less from a passage into the profession that would put me in a position of being responsible for human lives. To this day I have no regrets about my decision and entertain no doubts about my ability to become a competent physician. In this essay I would like to tersely describe my experience in med school as it currently stands, and state my reasons for requesting a transfer.
    During the first two years of medical school I have successfully passed all of the basic science requirements as well as the USMLE Step 1 exam. During this time I have earned a reputation for being very focused on my studies, and a very hard worker. My classmates would frequently ask me for websites and information, because they knew that I would actively seek out any study materials and be well informed of such matters. I knew that the transition to the clinical years was a tremendous change. In order to facilitate this transition I went through a one month elective in the beginning of third year. It was extremely useful since it permitted me to solidify second year history and physical exam skills while allowing me to get my feet wet in third year matters. Consequently, I have successfully completed several clerkships including medicine and family medicine.
    I had a difficult family situation during the pediatrics clerkship. My grandmother was sick and there was no-one to take care of her since my parents were away from the country at the time. My grandmother is serviced by home attendant services for several hours during the day, but she does not have anyone at night or in the evening. I have never been involved in coordinating her care and did not know how to proceed. When such situations arose in the past I would just move to her house and take care of her until my parents were back, and this time was no exception. Unfortunately this fell on the inpatient part of the pediatrics clerkship. I did my best to struggle with this difficult situation, however I made the mistake of not telling my resident about it. I passed both the oral and written examinations for the clerkship and had an overall grade of a 75 which included numerical total of all my evaluations and exams. However I had a few episodes of lateness due to the long commute from my grandmothers house, and was observed at times to be distracted from the workings of my team. Due to these observations I was failed for the rotation. I did realize that it was my fault for not communicating my situaton clearly to the resident and thus accepted full responsibility for the situation. This has taught me a valueable life lesson regarding clarity in communication.
    Prior to stating the reasons for my transfer I want to establish the context for this request. I want to make it clear that I am trying to put my feelings aside and describe the situation in the most unbiased manner possible. I have alot of respect for the institution in which Iíve spent over two years of my medical education, and I must say that I have nothing but gratitude for the way the school helped me navigate through the basic sciences curriculum and a portion of my third year. In our school there is a policy that the extent of remediation of any clerkship failure will be determined by the promotions committee and not individual course directors. I fully accepted the blame for the situation in pediatrics, and I was prepared to repeat the full clerkship. However, I was not prepared for almost half a year of remediation for a six week clerkship and appealed the decision. The result was that I was given the option to withdraw from the school with a caveat. In order to obtain the support of the school for the transfer effort I would have to do a portion of remediation and show the school that the issues that occurred in pediatrics would not come up again. Also my grade was not going to be changed should I choose the withdrawal route. Thus I was presented with what appeared to me as two equally painful choices. Conventional wisdom and my life experience dictated that it would be prudent to finish ones education in the institution where one started. Furthermore, it is understood that I stand to lose some of the third year coursework during the transfer.
    In struggling with this decision, I realized that the only way to minimize the effect of this failure on my subsequent education was to transfer. I have a few friends who faced a similar situation in my institution and eventually wound up transferring. From them I found out that the school would feed forward to the next clerkship the performance history of students once they had a failure. This meant that the inpatient team of the next clerkship would already be aware of a studentís failure prior to meeting the student. Iíve learned that first impressions on the wards are immeasurably important. Thus, I realized that staying in the school would mean that my history would follow me to all the subsequent rotations and possibly into residency. Struggling against a negative impression in every single rotation for the rest of my medical school education and possibly into residency is going to significantly affect how much I will learn during this educational process.
    At the end of the day I have to draw on all this education in order to give my patients the best standard of care. I am looking to get a fresh start in a different institution where I will be able to continue my clinical education in a more supportive environment. I am an extremely hard worker. I have successfully completed half of the third year clerkships prior to this remediation and have total confidence that I will continue to be successful once I transfer to a new institution. I do realize and accept full responsibility for the mistakes that I have made, and I am working harder than ever in amending them. At this point the school has recognized that I have successfully remediated the issues present in pediatrics and has permitted me to withdraw. I am looking for an opportunity to continue my studies in an institution that will work as hard as I do in ensuring that I have the resources and guidance to be successful in realizing my dream of becoming a competent physician. At the end of the day I want to become the kind of physician in the care of whom I would confidently entrust my family members. My time tested drive and desire to succeed in this field has been in no way diminished by all the events of the recent past. I will spare no expense or years of my life, and will overcome any obstacles to realize my dream of becoming a competent physician. All that I ask is that you give me a chance to prove myself.



    any help is much appreciated.

  2. #2
    don1 is offline Senior Member 529 points
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    I hope you donít mind my candidness.

    Your statement lacks the sophistication required to coherently communicate your situation and what you have learned from it; it is also somewhat verbose which makes it difficult to read. For example, donít say ďat the end of the dayĒ.

    Medicine is a demanding field which requires you to provide care despite your personal situation; if you are unable to cope with any situations that arises and it impacts your medical duties you are ethically and morally responsible to communicate this to whoever you report to; failing to do so is a recipe for a malpractice case resulting from less that ideal care to your patients. I would be outraged to find that care provided to a loved one was greatly impaired because their physician was preoccupied with their own situation. Your statement of interest attempts to address this concern, unfortunately unconvincingly.


    Quote Originally Posted by urgentcase View Post
    Hi Guys,
    I'm applying into 3rd year from an american school into MUA. I have been told that my personal statement is lacking, but I see nothing wrong with it, and at this point am stuck on how to improve it. Can anyone please give me some feedback.

    I have come to the decision of becoming a physician over many years. At this point, this is the only thing that I see myself doing for the rest of my life. Iíve put my desire to become a physician through the test of time by choosing not to go to med school right after college. I spent four years working and helping my family. To pursue medicine I walked away from a high paying job, a masters in the field, and an almost established career in the field of business information technology. I have made the final decision to pursue medicine as a fully mature adult. I knew that this was a very difficult and treacherous rite of passage, perhaps the most difficult journey of my life. Yet, I expected nothing less from a passage into the profession that would put me in a position of being responsible for human lives. To this day I have no regrets about my decision and entertain no doubts about my ability to become a competent physician. In this essay I would like to tersely describe my experience in med school as it currently stands, and state my reasons for requesting a transfer.
    During the first two years of medical school I have successfully passed all of the basic science requirements as well as the USMLE Step 1 exam. During this time I have earned a reputation for being very focused on my studies, and a very hard worker. My classmates would frequently ask me for websites and information, because they knew that I would actively seek out any study materials and be well informed of such matters. I knew that the transition to the clinical years was a tremendous change. In order to facilitate this transition I went through a one month elective in the beginning of third year. It was extremely useful since it permitted me to solidify second year history and physical exam skills while allowing me to get my feet wet in third year matters. Consequently, I have successfully completed several clerkships including medicine and family medicine.
    I had a difficult family situation during the pediatrics clerkship. My grandmother was sick and there was no-one to take care of her since my parents were away from the country at the time. My grandmother is serviced by home attendant services for several hours during the day, but she does not have anyone at night or in the evening. I have never been involved in coordinating her care and did not know how to proceed. When such situations arose in the past I would just move to her house and take care of her until my parents were back, and this time was no exception. Unfortunately this fell on the inpatient part of the pediatrics clerkship. I did my best to struggle with this difficult situation, however I made the mistake of not telling my resident about it. I passed both the oral and written examinations for the clerkship and had an overall grade of a 75 which included numerical total of all my evaluations and exams. However I had a few episodes of lateness due to the long commute from my grandmothers house, and was observed at times to be distracted from the workings of my team. Due to these observations I was failed for the rotation. I did realize that it was my fault for not communicating my situaton clearly to the resident and thus accepted full responsibility for the situation. This has taught me a valueable life lesson regarding clarity in communication.
    Prior to stating the reasons for my transfer I want to establish the context for this request. I want to make it clear that I am trying to put my feelings aside and describe the situation in the most unbiased manner possible. I have alot of respect for the institution in which Iíve spent over two years of my medical education, and I must say that I have nothing but gratitude for the way the school helped me navigate through the basic sciences curriculum and a portion of my third year. In our school there is a policy that the extent of remediation of any clerkship failure will be determined by the promotions committee and not individual course directors. I fully accepted the blame for the situation in pediatrics, and I was prepared to repeat the full clerkship. However, I was not prepared for almost half a year of remediation for a six week clerkship and appealed the decision. The result was that I was given the option to withdraw from the school with a caveat. In order to obtain the support of the school for the transfer effort I would have to do a portion of remediation and show the school that the issues that occurred in pediatrics would not come up again. Also my grade was not going to be changed should I choose the withdrawal route. Thus I was presented with what appeared to me as two equally painful choices. Conventional wisdom and my life experience dictated that it would be prudent to finish ones education in the institution where one started. Furthermore, it is understood that I stand to lose some of the third year coursework during the transfer.
    In struggling with this decision, I realized that the only way to minimize the effect of this failure on my subsequent education was to transfer. I have a few friends who faced a similar situation in my institution and eventually wound up transferring. From them I found out that the school would feed forward to the next clerkship the performance history of students once they had a failure. This meant that the inpatient team of the next clerkship would already be aware of a studentís failure prior to meeting the student. Iíve learned that first impressions on the wards are immeasurably important. Thus, I realized that staying in the school would mean that my history would follow me to all the subsequent rotations and possibly into residency. Struggling against a negative impression in every single rotation for the rest of my medical school education and possibly into residency is going to significantly affect how much I will learn during this educational process.
    At the end of the day I have to draw on all this education in order to give my patients the best standard of care. I am looking to get a fresh start in a different institution where I will be able to continue my clinical education in a more supportive environment. I am an extremely hard worker. I have successfully completed half of the third year clerkships prior to this remediation and have total confidence that I will continue to be successful once I transfer to a new institution. I do realize and accept full responsibility for the mistakes that I have made, and I am working harder than ever in amending them. At this point the school has recognized that I have successfully remediated the issues present in pediatrics and has permitted me to withdraw. I am looking for an opportunity to continue my studies in an institution that will work as hard as I do in ensuring that I have the resources and guidance to be successful in realizing my dream of becoming a competent physician. At the end of the day I want to become the kind of physician in the care of whom I would confidently entrust my family members. My time tested drive and desire to succeed in this field has been in no way diminished by all the events of the recent past. I will spare no expense or years of my life, and will overcome any obstacles to realize my dream of becoming a competent physician. All that I ask is that you give me a chance to prove myself.



    any help is much appreciated.
    Last edited by don1; 10-29-2007 at 05:45 PM.

  3. #3
    butterflymd is offline Permanently Banned 510 points
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    To have been mostly given the option of withdrawal seems to me that something occured during your pediatric clinical rotation. Perhaps you should identify how this should be corrected in the future. I think for any institution American and Caribbean alike it is going to be difficult to allow you to start over especially after having been through some of your clinical rotations which signifies that some adverse event occured with a patient that led the school to give you no other option. Good luck in your future endeavors.

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