Should I go back?

[pbsupra90]

This is a long story but I will try to keep it brief. I graduated with a 3.2 ave and 3.4 science GPA from Stony Brook, many years ago. Had above average MCAT scores. I applied to American medical schools but was not accepted. I guess they saw an immature kid who was not ready, when I was interviewed. I had to settle for Greneda. I was an immature kid back then and not ready to go to a foreign country. This was back in 1989. St. Georges had two campuses and was very primitive. Just a few buildings. Dorms that looked like steel garages. Not even a lecture hall. The main campus was Grand Anse and it consisted of an old church(acted as lecture hall), shabby old hotel(acted as dorm), and an anatomy lab that was primitive. I felt like I was going to a fly by night school and it looked it, back then. Unfortunately, my immature mind was wrong. I see they have done a lot of building since then. The place looks nice. I regret leaving as I should have been a doctor. I am not a people person and would probably have thrived in path or radiology. My life has essentially been downhill since I left that school. I came back to a nice home/family but never really found a career. I did become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, but I really don't like working with people with mental health problems. My MCAT is quite old. I know SABA does not require an MCAT. I hated it down in Greneda back then. We had no water, electricity would go out, no place to get food, no Student Center, and I couldn't deal with the heat. I grew up too spoiled and could not adjust to the environment. I am used to water coming out of my shower when I turn it on. I hated it and left after 6 weeks. I never really gave the place a chance. I should have stayed, but I was NOT getting used to it. I am currently in between jobs and really don't see going back into Clinical Social Work. I am never married/no kids, mainly because I have never had a stable career. I am a bright guy, but have never handled stress well. When I am under a lot of stress I go into a panic and make impulsive decisions. Like leaving Greneda. What I saw back then as suffering, I see now as a great opportunity. . I have an overall GPA from Stony Brook of 3.2, with 3.4 in the sciences. My MCAT is old, from the 80's, but it was above average. Any advice as to what I should do?Should I take the MCAT over and go back to ST. George? Or apply to SABA? I am 51 but look could pass for 35-40. I guess not having kids, good genes, not to many responsibilities and having a lot of time to run, sleep and eat well has helped me to look young for my age. Is it too late?

[pbsupra90]

Hi Thx.... I understand why you don't feel sorry for me. Most of my problems are self-created. I am really more angry at myself for missed opportunities both career wise and socially. I am considered very cute and can be charming, but I am also painfully shy. One of the reasons I lost my last girlfriend and have never been in a long term relationship. And missed out on a lot of potential relationships in my 20's. Basically I was very fat as a teenager(was ofcourse abused by my peers), developed low self-esteem. I lost weight at 21 and suddenly everyone wanted to be my friends and women start to throw themselves at me. I didn't know how to handle it. I handle it better now, so I can get into a relationship but there is still high levels of social anxiety. This personal problem made is very difficult for me to deal with the stress of professional school at 28. These were problems that I should have worked out before ever leaving for the Carribiean. Let's just say I have been hurt, let down, and manipulated by a lot of people and women especially. So yes.... I am a misogynist. I don't think too much of women, and I guess they pick that up. Whatever empathy I did have has been lost over the years because of many bad experiences with people. I was always seen as the "nice" guy and many people saw that as weakness and took advantage of me. So I have evolved over the years into a different person. I don't have a criminal record, but do have sociopathic traits. People used to like me a lot, but not anymore. Losing my last gf really put me over the top, because it was serious. But my career issues prevented it from where it should have gone. I will never get over this. And realize I can never have anything serious with someone until I figure out what I want to do with my life. Yes... I could have more warmth and compassion. But I have so many problems there is no room for me to do so. I was hurt, taken advantage, and put down when I was a short chubby teenage. So basically I am a misanthrope. And certain groups of people I especially dislike. No... not someone you want prescribing medications. I have been in and out and therapy for years. Obviously, it has not helped. You can have financial resources growing up, or live in a nice area, but if you are treated poorly because of your appearance, personality etc it will anyone bitter. Regardless how much money you have. I am just angry now that I have allowed myself to fall into this deep whole I have created. I am trying to get out of it. But it is going to be difficult. Just wanted advice on a career path and LCSW is not it. Like I said, I am going to be 55 anyway. I might as well have a direction and do something that makes me feel good about myself for a change. That's all I want.

[pbsupra90]

Hi Thx... I do agree with you that there are people in prison who just made a mistake. They are not all "dregs of society". We have more people in prison in this country in any other country in the world. Over 2 million people! So there are a lot of good people in prison who just made a mistake. When I worked in a prison, I actually got along better with the inmates than my co-workers. My supervisor was more of a sociopath than most of the inmates. This is all off topic. I am just writing because I am considering a career change. I guess my personality is best fit for something behind the scenes. Clinical lab science would probably be a good fit. But I will always regret leaving Greneda and did not realize the impact of my decision at the time. I was a different person back then. Nice, generous, warm with hope for the future. I just know I am not getting any where in my field and I don't like it. I still believe if I worked hard and could concentrate I could have Dr. next to my name and finally feel good about myself. I am going to be around for another 30-35 years. I just want to do something I enjoy and feel good about. If I was happy and productive, I would gladly help others. I am just not at that point right now.

[cardiomegaly]

Hi Thx... I do agree with you that there are people in prison who just made a mistake. They are not all "dregs of society". We have more people in prison in this country in any other country in the world. Over 2 million people! So there are a lot of good people in prison who just made a mistake. When I worked in a prison, I actually got along better with the inmates than my co-workers. My supervisor was more of a sociopath than most of the inmates. This is all off topic. I am just writing because I am considering a career change. I guess my personality is best fit for something behind the scenes. Clinical lab science would probably be a good fit. But I will always regret leaving Greneda and did not realize the impact of my decision at the time. I was a different person back then. Nice, generous, warm with hope for the future. I just know I am not getting any where in my field and I don't like it. I still believe if I worked hard and could concentrate I could have Dr. next to my name and finally feel good about myself. I am going to be around for another 30-35 years. I just want to do something I enjoy and feel good about. If I was happy and productive, I would gladly help others. I am just not at that point right now.

I made some mistakes when I was younger and I used to live in regret. Living in regret does not improve your life. You have to put the past in the past & move on to the present. You must decide whether you are going to medical school or if you are going to try another path. Leaving Grenada happened for a reason that you might not have realized. You have to make a decision that is going to move you forward. I dont think med school is a good idea right now but if you feel that you must achieve this goal then put you ALL in to it. Do not half butt it. Talk to an admissions counselor about requirements for entry in to medical school. Take the appropriate steps to start the process. I wish you luck and dont look back ANYMORE just MOVE FORWARD

[MerlinDoc85]

@pbsupra90:

Happiness comes from within. (The physician/counselor's perspective is anti-depressants + therapy.) There is no magic formula or amount of words that can change it - it is a state of mind. You can rationalize yourself into being happy, but that will cost alot of $, and it seems you do not have anybody else to interact with (which is probably why you are here on valuemd).

Bottom line - Make a change. If you dislike it, change it. If you were 25 i can understand parental, social, etc. But you're not 25, you're 55. Even then, I can understand the midlife crisis. Stuff happens. The point? Do something constructive with your time. Give back to soceity - that will change your self perception and outward perception.

Write a blog and reflect on everything you told us here. You would be surprised with how many people might benefit from that. With Adsense, you could make some cash. I highly suggest writing - it allows for introspection - which you really need. (Counselling / Psychiatrist is more helpful but something tells me without a job you will not be able to pay for one.)

GO OUT IN SOCIETY AND TALK TO PEOPLE. People can give you more ideas than a forum full of physicians in the making.

Advice on Career Path? Security job; get a certification if you want to do "behing the scenes" work; do something local; craigslist for a job locally; BE a career counselor (mentor students - approach a local school / university); Go do some research in a library or be a librarian;

Volunteer your time: soup kitchen, local events, whatever.

www.etthehiphoppreacher.com/
find this guy's videos on youtube

Youtube search: documentary called Wisdom (i posted the link somewhere).

Register on Match.com.

All the best in life.

[pbsupra90]

Great advice Merlin. I am actually 51 and a young looking and unfortunately young acting 51. Actually, I did see that documentary on wisdom. Yes..... your happiness and your calling has to come from within. There have only been a few moments in my life I was genuinely happy. Writing a blog about my experiences might be helpful for other's. I can go see a psychiatrist and be put on anti-depressants, I have been on prozac. That does elevate your mood, but when you walk out the door your circumstances have not changed. Perhaps with an elevated mood, I would think more positively and act more positively. But dealing with stress has always have been problematic. I have been told by therapist's that I might have a very high IQ, but emotionally I am very sensitive to stress and med school would probably not be a good idea. Stress can be managed, with meds(my roommate in Geneda was on all kinds of pills), exercise, and interacting with others. There were a lot of things I would have like to do, but I was not ALLOWED to do. All I know is that I am not getting anything in my field. You have about 10-15 people applying for each position. The job is high stress and low paying, and like I said before I like to work in relative isolation. Working with people with needs takes a lot out of you. If I held on to my job at Riker's as a mental health clinician and moved in with that girl, you never would have heard of me. But no I have no girl, and no job. And the clock is ticking.....

[pbsupra90]

Actually the girl I have been talking about, and obviously can't get over... I met on Match. After dating for a month and a half she asked me to move in and started talking about having children. I thought that was a little fast. This happened one week after losing my job. I did not tell her immediately, but I knew I was not ready for her program. So my career or lack thereof, prevented this relationship from going to the next level. Basically I have become very introspective since this relationship ended. This girl brought out all the problems I have been having most of my adult life. My selfish personality traits were a turn off as well as my anxiety when dealing with intimacy. Also when she asked me to move in she thought I was working and also I lied about my age, basically to meet her. She thought I was about a decade younger than I am.... I finally did come clean and that pretty much ended the whole thing. However, if I had been in some kind of stable career I would have moved in and we probably would still be together. 52 is a little old to have a baby, but I am still a baby... and it would be nice to have a son to teach and live a more fulfilling life. At least things for me can only get better. Going back to med school is going to be problematic because my concentration and memory is not what it used to be. I would have to work twice as hard just to retain material I would easily retain in my 20's. I did speak to a girl at St. Georges, there are some older people there but most are in their 20's. I will probably feel out of place, which maybe problematic. I don't know. I just studied hard to get a master's degree only to find I am in the wrong field. Why they are not hiring me I don't know. Maybe I come across as arrogant and selfish. Most of the clinical directors are women, and tend to be very tightly wrapped emotionally detached types who I do not connect with. They have their own problems. Maybe they see a good looking guy, and many of them were ignored by good looking men when they were younger. So perhaps they have a resentment of me, just as I have a resentment towards them. I am also sarcastic, as bit of a wise ***, and have met the most emotionally fractured people in the mental heath field. Also it's female dominated....not a good place for me to be. I get along much better with the guys, and have always hit it off much better with men. Maybe I should become gay? just kidding..... anyway..thanks for taking the time to read and respond.

[TriageModerator]

This thread has strayed from the original topic quite a bit, and it does not seem there is anything productive left for other users to contribute, hence this thread is being closed.