Should I go back?

[pbsupra90]

This is a long story but I will try to keep it brief. I graduated with a 3.2 ave and 3.4 science GPA from Stony Brook, many years ago. Had above average MCAT scores. I applied to American medical schools but was not accepted. I guess they saw an immature kid who was not ready, when I was interviewed. I had to settle for Greneda. I was an immature kid back then and not ready to go to a foreign country. This was back in 1989. St. Georges had two campuses and was very primitive. Just a few buildings. Dorms that looked like steel garages. Not even a lecture hall. The main campus was Grand Anse and it consisted of an old church(acted as lecture hall), shabby old hotel(acted as dorm), and an anatomy lab that was primitive. I felt like I was going to a fly by night school and it looked it, back then. Unfortunately, my immature mind was wrong. I see they have done a lot of building since then. The place looks nice. I regret leaving as I should have been a doctor. I am not a people person and would probably have thrived in path or radiology. My life has essentially been downhill since I left that school. I came back to a nice home/family but never really found a career. I did become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, but I really don't like working with people with mental health problems. My MCAT is quite old. I know SABA does not require an MCAT. I hated it down in Greneda back then. We had no water, electricity would go out, no place to get food, no Student Center, and I couldn't deal with the heat. I grew up too spoiled and could not adjust to the environment. I am used to water coming out of my shower when I turn it on. I hated it and left after 6 weeks. I never really gave the place a chance. I should have stayed, but I was NOT getting used to it. I am currently in between jobs and really don't see going back into Clinical Social Work. I am never married/no kids, mainly because I have never had a stable career. I am a bright guy, but have never handled stress well. When I am under a lot of stress I go into a panic and make impulsive decisions. Like leaving Greneda. What I saw back then as suffering, I see now as a great opportunity. . I have an overall GPA from Stony Brook of 3.2, with 3.4 in the sciences. My MCAT is old, from the 80's, but it was above average. Any advice as to what I should do?Should I take the MCAT over and go back to ST. George? Or apply to SABA? I am 51 but look could pass for 35-40. I guess not having kids, good genes, not to many responsibilities and having a lot of time to run, sleep and eat well has helped me to look young for my age. Is it too late?

[cardiomegaly]

Medical students are extremely competitive. Some students might not be nice to you and others can turn out to be your best friend. If you want to be a physician you need to have great bed side manner as well as the intellect. I still dont think you should apply because you emotional problems can really affect the way you perform on exams. If you dont want to do anything else try to apply. If you get in then great if you dont...well at least you tried. In addition to therapy you might want to pursue a higher power to get some clarity. Im not sure of your religion but consider God or whatever it is you may believe in.

[rokshana]

I assume you are a woman. You have to understand I was a very late bloomer. Looked about 12 when I went to college, had a very late puberty and was still growing while in college. I have discovered much later that not only my physical growth was delayed, my emotional/psychological growth was delayed. So no I never really did grow up. And I have had the wrong priorities for a long time. This pattern of dating women 15-20 years younger than me, started in my late 30's. I always looked young for my age and acted it. I don't like women close to my age as they have been through too much. A marriage that didn't work out, a guy who did not pay child support etc. If a woman is single and in her 40's she is usually very bitter, because she has been let down/manipulated/dissapointed by a lot of men. I like younger because I can get them for a while, they are more fun, look better and are much happier in general than older women.
This is all off topic and immature to discuss in a public forum. But I do have regrets not finishing way back when. And it is hitting me real hard now. I could have had a totally different life. I do NOT like the field I am in. Have not worked for a year and a half. I interview and never get hired. Or if I do get hired, I usually hate the place after a few months. Clinical social work is not for me. You work with people with a lot of problems and the dregs of society. Also the supervisors usually have as many issues as the patients. I had one actually inappropriately touch me, and thru comments like about how I looked. He sounded like a 15 year old and this was coming from a 60 year old man! So I would like to get into something else. I have more of a personality of a pharmacist. Someone who works behind the scenes. There are areas in social work which would be a good fit. Doing utilization reviews. Pretty much you are on the phone with the insurance company and have the patient's chart. Something that is not people intensive. As I find working with a lot of people very stressful. Yes... I am anti-social. But if you were treated like I was growing up, you would be bitter and anti-social too. I was short/fat from about 14-21 and look about 12 when I graduated high school. I also was too nice and let the wrong people into my life. I missed out on a lot of the "fun" with the opposite sex and have been trying to make up for it ever since. I guess that's is what these relationships with younger women is all about. But I met someone I could have settled down with, and wanted to. But was not working and not able to support a family. I didn't expect that she would get so serious so quickly. Again, I maybe 51, but look 35-40 and act like I am 25. Yes medical school would not solve this. I have been in an out of therapy for years, and it has not solved this. My emotional development got stuck at some point. But I need to do something so I can offer somebody I like a life and get out of this situation I am in. I don't expect to be working any time soon. Just thought I am going to be 55 anyway. Why not do I originally wanted to do while in college. SGU took me back then. Guess it's harder to get in now. Yes, I do ramble but I have not been doing well since this girl got rid of me. And time is not helping.

my being a woman has nothing to do with anything (other than maybe be my ability to call b*44 $h%t)...and gimme a break...bit of a pot calling a kettle black don't you think? Older guy, unable to deal with getting older...no baggage there, huh??!!!

again, it may have been a mistake you made some 23 yrs ago, but looking for a wayback machine to take you back is not the solution... while the environment was more primitive back in the day, i would state that off shore medical schooling have become harder not easier in the last 20 some yrs...and unless things have changed...YOU have changed, the journey isn't going to be any easier than it was in 1989...peruse the fora here, particularly the residency forum for threads that can give you an idea of what the current day off shore medical student endures to make it through...physical weakness, mental weakness, psychological weakness...they will be stressed and strained to a breaking point...even those who think they are strong, break...

find a way to fix yourself first...then maybe you can find a way to fix others...

[pbsupra90]

Thanks for your input Rokshana. It was a big mistake I made 23 years ago. I came back home to nothing. I grew up in an affluent area, which actually worked against me. Too spoiled, too pampered and not used to 3rd world conditions. I actually felt like I was "suffering" back then, just living down there. Forget about the academics. I like my life comfortable and low stress. So perhaps medicine is not for me. Then again, I don't see myself going back into my field. To be honest I hate it. People with severe mental health problems, no sense of boundaries, dregs of society. I am tired of being with life's losers. Clinical social work tends to attract emotionally fractured people, who have personality disorders but can hold down jobs. I don't know. St. George, Ross, SABA.... All I want is a nice place where it is quiet, has an air conditioned gym, and a comfortable place to study. Unfortunately for me, "roughing it" and living in uncomfortable conditions(and it was very uncomfortable at ST. G in '89) affects my ability to concentrate. It makes me bitter, angry and irritable. There wasn't even any drinkable water on campus. If you wanted water, and you needed it because of the heat you had to go to the store and walk a mile and a half or wait for a bus that took a half hour to arrive. Every little thing we take for granted was a struggle. It wasn't the academics... I could have handled that. I just couldn't deal with the stress of daily living down there. If I am happy and reasonably comfortable I can study. I just regret leaving, and have done so every day for 23 years. Initially I liked being back home. But have not been able to find my way. So I went back and got a master's degree in a field related to mental health. It's unbelieveable gettting a job today. I am an LCSW with 5 years of experience in the field, and I am not getting the job. I am probably being beaten out by more upbeat younger people. I have not worked in over a year. Just thought I am going to be 55 anyway. I don't want to be doing nothing for the next 4 years. At least I would feel like I am working towards a goal. I was told to re-take the MCAT. I could at least do that and see how I do. If I do well I will apply. If not... I will realize that I don't have what it takes now to get thru anyway. Everybody tells me I am very smart. 93 ave in high, top 10% of my class, at one of the most competitive high schools in the country. Had a 3.8 GPA after my first year at STony Brook. But I basically slacked off my last year and a half of college. This lowered my final GPA to 3.2 overall with about a 3.4 in the sciences. Got mostly A's and a few B's in chem, bio, physics, and organic. I'm not doing anything now anyway. Too late to go to Sept class. Might as well study for MCAT over the summer, take it in Aug/Sept and apply to SABA, ROSS, and ST. GEorges for the January class. Unless I get a job I like in the meantime, but I don't see that happening. I do collect un-employment, not married, no kids, and do come from an affluent home. So I am luckier than most. Curious what your thoughts are? I am sure you are a nice person Rokshana. But some of the women I have dated who were doctors were the driest, most tightly wrapped stiffs you will ever meet. No exactly the playful, fun flirtatious types. They treat dates like job interviews. So yeah... I have a little bitterness and feel a little underappreciated. I have learned a lot about myself over the past 20 years. I know more about my personality, and my strengths and weaknesses. I know that I like to work behind the scenes with little patient interaction. Just leave me alone and let me do my own thing. I don't see myself going back into my field. It is not a good fit. At least I could take the MCAT and see. I might ace it or do lousy. If I do well.... at least it is worth giving it a shot. I plan to be around for another 30-35 years. My father is 84, looks 65. His mother lived to be 97. So I am going to be on this planet for another 30-40 years barring an accident. Got to find something to do. Yes.... I am afraid of getting older. But I do look about 35 for various reasons I am not going into. So I am not going to look so out of place. But taking orders from superiors who are younger than me could be problematic. Just will have to learn to suck it up and not let it bother me. I do appreciate you taking the time to respond. And your responses have been helpful. Thank you.

[thxleave]

Thanks for your input Rokshana. It was a big mistake I made 23 years ago. I came back home to nothing. I grew up in an affluent area, which actually worked against me. Too spoiled, too pampered and not used to 3rd world conditions. I actually felt like I was "suffering" back then, just living down there. Forget about the academics. I like my life comfortable and low stress. So perhaps medicine is not for me. Then again, I don't see myself going back into my field. To be honest I hate it. People with severe mental health problems, no sense of boundaries, dregs of society. I am tired of being with life's losers. Clinical social work tends to attract emotionally fractured people, who have personality disorders but can hold down jobs. I don't know. St. George, Ross, SABA.... All I want is a nice place where it is quiet, has an air conditioned gym, and a comfortable place to study. Unfortunately for me, "roughing it" and living in uncomfortable conditions(and it was very uncomfortable at ST. G in '89) affects my ability to concentrate. It makes me bitter, angry and irritable. There wasn't even any drinkable water on campus. If you wanted water, and you needed it because of the heat you had to go to the store and walk a mile and a half or wait for a bus that took a half hour to arrive. Every little thing we take for granted was a struggle. It wasn't the academics... I could have handled that. I just couldn't deal with the stress of daily living down there. If I am happy and reasonably comfortable I can study. I just regret leaving, and have done so every day for 23 years. Initially I liked being back home. But have not been able to find my way. So I went back and got a master's degree in a field related to mental health. It's unbelieveable gettting a job today. I am an LCSW with 5 years of experience in the field, and I am not getting the job. I am probably being beaten out by more upbeat younger people. I have not worked in over a year. Just thought I am going to be 55 anyway. I don't want to be doing nothing for the next 4 years. At least I would feel like I am working towards a goal. I was told to re-take the MCAT. I could at least do that and see how I do. If I do well I will apply. If not... I will realize that I don't have what it takes now to get thru anyway. Everybody tells me I am very smart. 93 ave in high, top 10% of my class, at one of the most competitive high schools in the country. Had a 3.8 GPA after my first year at STony Brook. But I basically slacked off my last year and a half of college. This lowered my final GPA to 3.2 overall with about a 3.4 in the sciences. Got mostly A's and a few B's in chem, bio, physics, and organic. I'm not doing anything now anyway. Too late to go to Sept class. Might as well study for MCAT over the summer, take it in Aug/Sept and apply to SABA, ROSS, and ST. GEorges for the January class. Unless I get a job I like in the meantime, but I don't see that happening. I do collect un-employment, not married, no kids, and do come from an affluent home. So I am luckier than most. Curious what your thoughts are? I am sure you are a nice person Rokshana. But some of the women I have dated who were doctors were the driest, most tightly wrapped stiffs you will ever meet. No exactly the playful, fun flirtatious types. They treat dates like job interviews. So yeah... I have a little bitterness and feel a little underappreciated. I have learned a lot about myself over the past 20 years. I know more about my personality, and my strengths and weaknesses. I know that I like to work behind the scenes with little patient interaction. Just leave me alone and let me do my own thing. I don't see myself going back into my field. It is not a good fit. At least I could take the MCAT and see. I might ace it or do lousy. If I do well.... at least it is worth giving it a shot. I plan to be around for another 30-35 years. My father is 84, looks 65. His mother lived to be 97. So I am going to be on this planet for another 30-40 years barring an accident. Got to find something to do. Yes.... I am afraid of getting older. But I do look about 35 for various reasons I am not going into. So I am not going to look so out of place. But taking orders from superiors who are younger than me could be problematic. Just will have to learn to suck it up and not let it bother me. I do appreciate you taking the time to respond. And your responses have been helpful. Thank you.

Yeah....... No...... You worked against yourself. Good luck using that angle with your personal statement. Maybe Meharry or Howard will let you in due to your hardships .

Regardless, sarcasm aside. I have to repeat this: please seek professional help, VMD does not have the ability to answer the questions you are having. Way too personal and complex of a topic to be covered online with strangers.

[pbsupra90]

"mental weakness", "psychological weakness", "even those who are strong, break". It makes me wonder how anyone makes it thru. I always looked at it like, the staff/administration is trying to weed out who really wants to be a doctor. So they put you thru a lot. It starts at the interview. They ask you a lot of questions, make you uncomfortable and see how you handle stress. I guess if you have any emotional issues, professional school is going to bring them out. Due to stress etc.... I don't know how old you are, but I do have to say that it takes a lot of dedication for a 20 something woman to give the best years of her life to this endeavor.

[rokshana]

have you thought about becoming a pharmacist or going into research? Or veterinary medicine (less people interaction yet the science of medicine is still there)? your statement, "People with severe mental health problems, no sense of boundaries, dregs of society. I am tired of being with life's losers. "...is just as true in medicine to some extent (the good thing is that there are patients that actually LIKE their doctors and are appreciative of the care we give, so it balances out the other part) so if you are looking to get away from that, medicine is not the place to go...

[pbsupra90]

I don't mind the sarcasm thx..... And my issues are too complex and personal to be discussed on this forum. This forum basically discusses the the good, the bad, and the ugly of a given Carribean school. Not the personality problems of prospective students. You are correct. I am my own worst enemy and do have a mechanism of self sabotage built in.It's called having low self-esteem and not feeling worthy of success. This has obviously been with me since I was a child. These are issues I have discussed in therapy, but it has only given me insight. It has not really modified my way of thinking. Which tends to be negative. I am a half empty kind of guy. But no matter how you slice it, it is difficult even for the best adjusted person out there. In med school, the work world...etc. Life is competitive and cutthroat. Everyone is out for number one. People have gone behind my back to supervisor's etc over petty little things. I just don't like working with people. I am more comfortable working in relative isolation. And what do you think professional help would do for me?

[pbsupra90]

Hi rok...Yes... I have thought about Pharmacy and a good friend of mine made the exact same suggestion. Guess that would require taking the PCAT to get in. It is something I am looking into. 4 years, and then you take the licensing exam. I think there is a lot of overlap with the PCAT and MCAT. Tough decision. I appreciate your advice.

[thxleave]

Hi rok...Yes... I have thought about Pharmacy and a good friend of mine made the exact same suggestion. Guess that would require taking the PCAT to get in. It is something I am looking into. 4 years, and then you take the licensing exam. I think there is a lot of overlap with the PCAT and MCAT. Tough decision. I appreciate your advice.

Pharmacy would be great, since it matches your personality a lot more. Though that too has it's pitfalls due to a high growth of new schools, and rising unemployment of graduates. Check SDN Pharmacy forum. A large glut of unemployed pharmacist, salary cuts, and competition for residency.

Podiatry is pretty nice, and it's a respectable path to become a doctor. I met up with one to get a LOR, when I was at the beginning of the gap year to explore that path. For some reason, I clicked with the podiatrist and he told me straight up go to medical school with my qualifications, so SGU here I come August 2012. Though he did had a sweet life, and it made me respect podiatry a lot more.

I mention earlier I talked to a Public Health Director in charge of medical technologists, and clinical lab scientists. He told me it's possible if you go to school to get a CLS to get a job, but you are limited to larger metropolitan cities (ugh, hate large populations). So that was out of window for me, but seems like you might enjoy that scenery. Try contacting your local Public Health Director about the field of CLS. Avg salary is 40-60k depending location, so I don't know if that'll satiate your desire, since you think $28hr is too low.

There is also Physician Assistant, which is slightly easier to get into compared to medical school. Though prereq for medical school are different. I was considering that path, but learned I was missing Anatomy and Physiology. 1 year to get that prereq, and 2 year to finish school. Might as well go medical school, just another year.

It's slim pickings out there.

[thxleave]

I don't mind the sarcasm thx..... And my issues are too complex and personal to be discussed on this forum. This forum basically discusses the the good, the bad, and the ugly of a given Carribean school. Not the personality problems of prospective students. You are correct. I am my own worst enemy and do have a mechanism of self sabotage built in.It's called having low self-esteem and not feeling worthy of success. This has obviously been with me since I was a child. These are issues I have discussed in therapy, but it has only given me insight. It has not really modified my way of thinking. Which tends to be negative. I am a half empty kind of guy. But no matter how you slice it, it is difficult even for the best adjusted person out there. In med school, the work world...etc. Life is competitive and cutthroat. Everyone is out for number one. People have gone behind my back to supervisor's etc over petty little things. I just don't like working with people. I am more comfortable working in relative isolation. And what do you think professional help would do for me?

I don't know. That's why VMD isn't qualified for such questions. A professional therapist might help you find your answers. If your old therapist didn't work, shop around. If you want professional advice branching into the medical field, then I'm sure everybody will be glad to help. As of right now, I don't even know what to say to all your ramblings. There is a lot of coming from me. I'm refraining from this, because it looks like you are already in a depressed state, and additional criticism from strangers isn't going to help.

Man... I have problems too... I'm pretty sure everybody on this forum has problems..... You just don't see us going on the forum pouring our vulnerable hearts out to anonymous people on the internet. That's not a healthy way to solve your problems, and nobody here have answers to your personal issues. Seems like you don't too, so that's why I keep mentioning professional help. I'm glad everybody has been cordial to your ramblings, because VMD has a history of lashing out at these type of posts.

This is just a vicious cycle right now. You post something depressing about yourself, we post "Go see help, and no you shouldn't go to medical school.", you post "But I need it to save my soul and life.", and we post "No you don't. It's been repeating for a bit. We are going in circles, and it isn't helping you.

So all in all. I just want to say good luck, and seriously seek professional help.