Help!- Wife won't let me go to Med School

[Kal-el]

After only being on this forum for a few weeks, it seems like there are a lot of people out there with similar obstacles. I am hoping someone out there can help me during this difficult time.

Here is my problem. My wife and I have great jobs, a killer house and she doesn't want to give up the lifestyle we have so I can go to med school. She wants to start having a family and getting settled in the comfort zone. I also want to start having a family. We have being married for 6 years. She thinks I am crazy to want to start a family and then go down to the Caymans (SMU) to raise a child. I think it would be an adventure. There is no problem with finances because my dad has always said he would take care of medical school. So my question to the group is how do I accomplish medical school without jeopardizing my relationship. I love my wife more than anybody can imagine and it breaks my heart to see her get so upset when we talk about this. I am starting to get very frustrated because after each conversation the dream seems impossible.

I only have physics to complete and the course starts in January. I am 31 years old and do not wish to delay this any further.

[AUCMD2006]

my wife had a great job, we already have kids though, and i switched from architecture to medicine.....nobody can determine what is best for you all i know is that there are a lot of 40 something ex-engineers, computer programers, chiropractors, etc. around here so that says if the desire is there you probably will not be settled by anything less. we opted to keep her at home with the kids b/c i did not want her living down here or quit her job.....ever thought about heading down there on your own for the first semester to prove that a)you are serious and b) you can do it and c) you can tell her about living in the caymans? i mean separation was rough the first few weeks until you get bogged down with all the work and forget what day it is.....

[rdecastro]

New wife?

[Kal-el]

No. We have been married for almost 6 years.

[microphage]

Buy her a big fat diamond ring... and say there's a big upgrade of that one after you finish med school.

[wolfvgang22]

Life's full of choices, kid.

Maybe see a marriage counselor....otherwise it looks bad for the marriage if you go to med school.

[Andrew21]

Okay, you're 31, you have a dad that will pay for medical school (sounds carte blanche?), and no kids. Has your wife ever seen Grand Cayman? It's awesome! 7 mile beach is unbelievable! It has all the comforts of a big city. I can't imagine how great her job is that she wanted want to go to the caribbean for a while, all on someone else's tab. As my wife and I watch our debt pile (to the tune of 250K by the time we're done), I can't help but think how crazy it would be for you guys not take this opportunity. No offense to your wife, I understand that she is comfortable and all, but dang... You should seriously talk about this, and seek some professional counseling. Truthfully, it would be beter to wait for school another 6 months and put your relationship in a strong healthy spot. Good luck

Andy

[docbee]

Originally Posted by Kal-el

After only being on this forum for a few weeks, it seems like there are a lot of people out there with similar obstacles. I am hoping someone out there can help me during this difficult time.

Here is my problem. My wife and I have great jobs, a killer house and she doesn't want to give up the lifestyle we have so I can go to med school. She wants to start having a family and getting settled in the comfort zone. I also want to start having a family. We have being married for 6 years. She thinks I am crazy to want to start a family and then go down to the Caymans (SMU) to raise a child. I think it would be an adventure. There is no problem with finances because my dad has always said he would take care of medical school. So my question to the group is how do I accomplish medical school without jeopardizing my relationship. I love my wife more than anybody can imagine and it breaks my heart to see her get so upset when we talk about this. I am starting to get very frustrated because after each conversation the dream seems impossible.

I only have physics to complete and the course starts in January. I am 31 years old and do not wish to delay this any further.

Did you apply to this school yet? If your wife has such a great job - maybe she can find similar work in the islands, so that she can keep her experience - and then later, when you go back to the states, she won't have a problem. Family-wise : I am a 24 yr. old with a 3 yr. old son - I start med school (at AUC) next fall - I am relocating my family - my fiance is getting a job on the island next to my schools'. Advice = nothing is holding you back but her fear/stubborness -- if she loves you, she'll let you do this. I know that no one will stop me - medicine pumps in my blood - if it's your calling, you'll go where you can be taught to do what you love.

[julestx]

I agree, you have alot more discussions with your wife ahead of you. One thing I wanted to mention is that with cores and electives following your time in basic sciences, you really have to think of it as 4 yrs. I say this because we thought we'd only be in the Caribbean for the 20 months, yet here we are in Ireland, and after this, we will hit 3 more States for the remaining electives! So, if you can get your wife to see the adventurous side of it all, that would really help. Does MUA have a Spouses Club? Are you definitely going to MUA? BIG POINT - try to set her up in touch with the other Spouses of students at MUA if you're planning to go there. She will see that not only are the students giving up, the spouses and significant others are leaving careers as well. They will be able to help your wife to see what all they do in the meantime. There are usually a fun bunch of spouses and significant others to hang out with and go exploring together. It might help her if she were to correspond with them, and find out what its like for them living there, etc.

Jules

[petenwe]

Originally Posted by microphage

Buy her a big fat diamond ring... and say there's a big upgrade of that one after you finish med school.

Interesting