Help!- Wife won't let me go to Med School

[Hanson]

Originally Posted by sandra rosengreen

Hey, this is the wife of a 4th year med student. I am 36 years old and have two kids. I too had a hard time accepting the whole med school issue. As I was struggling, I spoke with lots of Dr.'s wives and asked how they did it. They all answered that they would rather go through a few years (really not too many in the whole scheme of things) than to have a husband come home every night miserable about his job. I am very stubborn and I admit it really hasn't been easy but I survived and now that I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I am glad we took this road. I see many of my husband's friends who chose another road and they are miserable and many are having job security issues. I am realizing more and more that we made the right decision. Your wife has it easier in that you don't have kids yet. My kids were barely school aged when we left Grenada so we were pretty lucky. I did take the kids back a semester early but we made it. I have met a lot of people who have done the separation thing and it is doable. I am sorry that you are going through this and hope that things work out for you. You can tell her what my husband told me: "I WILL never be really happy unless I'm a doctor". I decided that I would rather work hard for a few more years and have the rest of my life to be comfortable and secure. okay well I hope this helps. Good luck.

sandy

I think you are a good wife. Your husband is very lucky.

Hanson

[skpm2md]

I have read through all of the posts and I am very curious. Instead of the man of the house leaving, I will be leaving. He will be staying behind to work (in a job that he loves and is hard to just up and move with) and to help pay the bills. I plan on building up the frequent flyer miles for us both, but I am curious, are there husbands that have stayed behind? What can you suggest to make it easier? I am very, very, very (I could go on) fortunate to have a husband who has supported my dream so far and contiues to support me. Sometimes I think that I am more worried about the seperation than he is, but all he keeps telling me is to go study and get it done. So guys if you are out there I am curious...

[doctordkm]

Originally Posted by skpm2md

I have read through all of the posts and I am very curious. Instead of the man of the house leaving, I will be leaving. He will be staying behind to work (in a job that he loves and is hard to just up and move with) and to help pay the bills. I plan on building up the frequent flyer miles for us both, but I am curious, are there husbands that have stayed behind? What can you suggest to make it easier? I am very, very, very (I could go on) fortunate to have a husband who has supported my dream so far and contiues to support me. Sometimes I think that I am more worried about the seperation than he is, but all he keeps telling me is to go study and get it done. So guys if you are out there I am curious...

My Fiancé is staying behind, although he too may end up moving down to be with me after a semester or two. I am very blessed to have him. He is so supportive. He is currently pursuing a masters in math and a second undergraduate degree in Finance. I want him to stay in the states till May, which is when he should be done with both, but he has been talking as though he may come down in december after my first semester and put it off. I too want him to succeed in his personal goals, and I understand your husband's position of not wanting to jeopardize something that he has worked hard to acheive. I think that you should listen to him and go there and get it done and over with, so that both of you can be happy in the end.

[islandwife]

Originally Posted by microphage

Buy her a big fat diamond ring... and say there's a big upgrade of that one after you finish med school.

For some reason, I am assuming micro is married...

Jules is right. Getting in contact with the sig others of other med students and seeing that it IS doable and there ARE sig others out there who are willing to sacrifice career, creature comfort, and time with relatives seems to make it seem more realistic. It might even make her feel selfish in comparison. Guilting works, too you know.

It would almost be worth it to seek out a school which has a spouse's org just for the benefit of helping to ease your wife into the mindest of "it CAN be done".

[sheikh1]

Originally Posted by markglt

Oh yeah, Every married couple that I've seen come to school down here is miserable....the wife always cheats. Now, that's just my island. I don't know about the others. Just my oxymoronic objective 2 cents

Wow, what is that all about!!

[stephew]

unlike mark, most (not all) married couples Ive seen down on the islands are faithful. It goes like this as a rule of thumb: cheaters cheat, the faithful don't. Those with good relationships work out; those that arent just break up sooner. Ive also seen cases of wives in schol with the hubby as the SO. it works out fine. the hubbys work, make friends, play (in the faithful way) etc. I was jsut talking today with another radonc classmate of mine; her hubby came down to support her parto f the time. He's a special forces guy. They did very well. It works and its all up the folks involved. Don't accept these "they all cheat" stories. Obviously we dont know you but you sound like you have a nice relationship in that you're both thinking a lot of each other.

Originally Posted by skpm2md

I have read through all of the posts and I am very curious. Instead of the man of the house leaving, I will be leaving. He will be staying behind to work (in a job that he loves and is hard to just up and move with) and to help pay the bills. I plan on building up the frequent flyer miles for us both, but I am curious, are there husbands that have stayed behind? What can you suggest to make it easier? I am very, very, very (I could go on) fortunate to have a husband who has supported my dream so far and contiues to support me. Sometimes I think that I am more worried about the seperation than he is, but all he keeps telling me is to go study and get it done. So guys if you are out there I am curious...

[momof3boys]

I am in the process of applying for admission and I am scared my husband will say no by the time I break the news to him. We have been married for eight years and have three wonderful boys aged six, five and two. I need wisdom to be able to convince him to either follow me to the Caribbean or stay back in the States with the kids while I go.
Any suggestions?

Thanks
momof3boys

[Genossa maximillian]

Originally Posted by momof3boys

I am in the process of applying for admission and I am scared my husband will say no by the time I break the news to him. We have been married for eight years and have three wonderful boys aged six, five and two. I need wisdom to be able to convince him to either follow me to the Caribbean or stay back in the States with the kids while I go.
Any suggestions?

Thanks
momof3boys

The most important question you have to ask yourself is, what is more important to me? My kids, or my dream. Did you ever discussed this with him before you applied? The kids seem to be at very tender ages, 6,5 and 2. Very tender indeed.

The reason I am asking you is not because I am taking sides, but because I postponded my career dreams back in the 1980's for my family, my kids, they where my ultimate sacrifice, my ultimate treasure and I sacrificed my dreams for them until I could do it, and I did it, later than sooner, but I got there.

For the sake of political correctness, I do not believe that throwing the cards on the table in the means of saying either follow me or stay is healthy, since marriage is a teamwork and it requires a lot of team effort to succeed and part of that is communication and support.

I do not know your specific circumstances, but since you asked I am giving you an honest to G-d answer.

Please, do not be offended by anything I just said. If you have any more questions feel free to PM me.

In any case, good luck in your plans.

Ciao

Max

[empathy]

You are the head of the house. You sound like a good man. I'm an old fashion person. A wife should obey her husband and follow his lead. Speak to your pastor and pray about it as a family.

Originally Posted by Kal-el

After only being on this forum for a few weeks, it seems like there are a lot of people out there with similar obstacles. I am hoping someone out there can help me during this difficult time.

Here is my problem. My wife and I have great jobs, a killer house and she doesn't want to give up the lifestyle we have so I can go to med school. She wants to start having a family and getting settled in the comfort zone. I also want to start having a family. We have being married for 6 years. She thinks I am crazy to want to start a family and then go down to the Caymans (SMU) to raise a child. I think it would be an adventure. There is no problem with finances because my dad has always said he would take care of medical school. So my question to the group is how do I accomplish medical school without jeopardizing my relationship. I love my wife more than anybody can imagine and it breaks my heart to see her get so upset when we talk about this. I am starting to get very frustrated because after each conversation the dream seems impossible.

I only have physics to complete and the course starts in January. I am 31 years old and do not wish to delay this any further.

[markglt]

uh..................