Help!- Wife won't let me go to Med School

[sheikh1]

I am amazed by people who say did you wake up one day and decided to go to medical school, hell no!!. I have been thinking of doing this for a long time, and by the way why will I live my family if this is posible in the U.S.. May be if people read my personal essay they will never ask me this question again. I love my wife and my son but sometimes you have to do what you got to do. The flip side of not doing what you want to do, is living the rest of your life for missing an opportunity. My wife will never think of comming with me to the Island, even when I ask her if she will visit me she responds negatively.

[wolfvgang22]

Originally Posted by Kal-el

Thanks for all of your feedback. Quick update. I have a baby due in September, I am studying for the MCAT in August, and getting my application materials for an attempt at a few U.S. schools (near our family). If that fails then I have the Carribbean as plan B. I will kill myself if I don't even try to get into a US school. I have awesome letters of reference and a respected surgeon (one of my clients) on staff at the University who is backing me. You never know. Either way, she is very supportive of me these days. She is starting to notice that it is only 8 years of living like we were back in College. My dad is forking the bill with one caveat. If I don't finish then all of the debt is my responsibility.

Good to hear! Good luck to you, and congratualtions on finding a way!

[swimguy23]

Just a joke, take it at face value. Dont lose your sense of humor in med school, it seems those people that do are miserable throughout the whole thing. No offense meant

[shockandawe]

Kal-el,

You ask probably one of the most difficult questions that I have yet to see in this forum. If you do not have 110%, there is a very high likely-hood of divorce. I've seen so many divorces in this field. Medical school takes a lot of dedication and especially if you go to a foreign medical school. Residency is hell, although great improvements have been made, especially now with the 80 hour rule.

I didn't get divorced, but my wife has been with me 110% of the way. There is no way that I would have made it to this level without all her support. She is amazing. (But then again, who could resist the shock...hee, hee, hee, just kidding.)

If you get 50 to 80% support, you are likely to get divorced eventually. I've seen so many divorces now, its sad... However, I should mention that not one of the people I know who is divorced due to following their dream in medicine, regrets having gone thru it. I know that this is a touchy subject and I hope that nothing I said, in any way, offended you. Good luck and I wish you the best.. -s&a

[wolfvgang22]

How about 95%...can we get by with 95%...

[shockandawe]

Originally Posted by wolfvgang22

How about 95%...can we get by with 95%...

Only if you are really good and I mean good, ego-less like the Buddha and maybe even he would have a hard time. Man, I tell you, when you get into this field your whole life will change and you will lose some of what you call yourself. You really need that 110%. No matter how smart you think you are, there will be hard times. -s&a

[md2b24]

Sheik,
I'm sorry to hear the way you feel. I would strongly encourage you to makeup with your wife before you go. Medical school is not a place you have to worry about family fued and your studies. My wife refused to go with me when I first informed her, but I finally got her to agree that I go by myself the first semester. Just before you know it, she changed her mind and we are all going. The thing is that I won't have to worry about them how they are doing because they will be there with me.
Good luck.

[Chemist_11]

hey my friend, the problem with your wife not letting you go to med school, it easily rectified:

Dude, we all saw here fall, it was a tradgic accident

[IMG DOC]

Having practiced medicine for the last 24 yrs., I can tell you it takes a very special person to be the spouse of a physician. Unless you are the physician, the spouse of the physician or the child of the physician, one has virtually no idea the sacrifice which is required to successfully care for your patients and maintain your career. My adult daughter didn't want a career in medicine because " I was never home for supper". My 9 yr. old daughter read me the riot act 3 weeks ago while I was on call and could not do the things she wanted us to do. A solid home life is not a requirement, but, it sure doesn't hurt. The spouse must be flexible and be able to place their activities behind your professional responsibilities (or handle them on their own). I look back and do not regret my involvement in my profession, but, I also realize the "dinners" can never be replaced and I am changing things to be able to spend more time with my wife and 9 yr. old. (I know she will be proud of her father as my older daughter is, but, I must admit it is like being married to two spouses, and only my loving wife is able to show the flexibility to allow me to attend my professional life as is needed (at times)). (Sorry for the run on sentence).
Enter medicine with your eyes wide open, because the rewards are not as obvious as they once were, and you must truly enjoy taking care of those who have come to depend on you.
Best of luck to all of you and may you have the support and love I have had over my career.
Sincerely,
IMG DOC
AUC '81

[sheikh1]

I am flying to the caribb....tomorrow at long last I have the blessing of my wife.