Help!- Wife won't let me go to Med School

[Kal-el]

Thanks for your post. Interesting you brought up talking with other spouses, as we just spoke about that today. I am not sure if SMU (not MUA) has this type of support program, but I wil call up tomorrow. I have her to the point where she is definitely starting to talk about possibilities. I have forwarded her some (censored ) posts and PM's people have left me. She is starting to realize what an opportunity we have to walk out of this debt free. Thanks for everybody's posts. Keep em' coming.

Kal-el

[julestx]

Sorry, SMU not MUA!

I hope you find an answer about a Spouses Club at SMU...Here is an example of a great Spouses Club...its AUC's club, and this website should provide some insight as to the fun and friendship that spouses get to experience with this big move!

http://groups.msn.com/aucspousesclub

Good Luck!

Jules

[Bill Cornbread]

This one is easy. Do a two week vacation there and check it out. Women like to "SEE". If you have been married as long as I have you know what I mean.

[tRmedic21]

This is a VERY touchy spot you are in.... if you have desperate desires to be a doctor, but give those desires up to have a family with her, then there is a good chance you'll end up regretting that later, and may hold it against her in the longrun, thus poisoning your relationship.

However, if she gives in to your desires and things aren't hunky-dorey for whatever reason... like maybe you'll wash out and decide it's not for you, or maybe she'll hate the island or just living outside the US, or she never ends up with a job she finds as fulfilling as her present one.... the same thing could happen from her side.

Bottom line is, you two have to sit down and discuss it like reasonable adults. Personally, if my wife wanted something this badly, I would support her in it, no matter what we had to go through. Matter of fact, I did! lol We ended up leaving good jobs in the US and I went with her out of the country. It took some adjusting, but we made it work in the longrun and now we're both pursuing our dream of med school! The thing is, it built a tremendous amount of trust between us going through those trials and looking back now, they were some of the best experiences we've ever had together.

If your wife absolutely refuses to make any sacrifices so that you can pursue your dream (med school), then actually... she's being selfish. If you absolutely refuse to make any sacrifices to allow your wife to pursue her dream... you're being selfish. See what I mean? Perhaps you could start a family and wait a year or two and then start school? Or perhaps make the concession of having a family as soon as possible when you get back to the States (or even on the island), which is a concession on your part... it goes both ways, and you both have to weigh your own selfishness (something we all have, admitted or not) against both your love for your partner and your desire to make the relationship work. Some people (like rrod) manage to do it the long-distance route, and if money isn't a problem, flying home once a month for a weekend might be the way to do it. Not for me, people like me and others like Beauxsxm couldn't have made it through without our partner or family for support. No way.

I hope you can come to some agreement that allows both of you some amount of satisfaction, but you have to be aware that in so doing, you will also likely both have to make some sacrifices. That is what marriage and family is all about, really, in my opinion... giving up some things for the benefit of others, and being happier in the longrun.

Buying the big diamond is one way to help push things along, and I really do also like the idea of the 2-week vacation on the island... although I think 1-week would be just enough to get a taste for it, but not leave time for most of the bad things to get old. Best of both worlds, eh?

Good luck!

[sheikh1]

Hi everybody I am 35 years old and married for the last seven years. As a matter of fact my anniversary is comming up in may 30th, at the same time I will like to start medical school at nevis in may 05. My wife doe's not like the Idear of going to the caribbean for medical school training. We have a three year old boy, and she is a pediatrician at children hospital in Philadelphia. She went to Johns Hopkins for her medical training. Hear is the problem she does not want to be my cosigner just to stop me going to school that is far away. I love my wife and our little kid, but I will hate her for the rest of my life if she stops me going to school. Hear is the decission I reached I will go with or without her bessing.

[Kal-el]

Thanks for all of your feedback. Quick update. I have a baby due in September, I am studying for the MCAT in August, and getting my application materials for an attempt at a few U.S. schools (near our family). If that fails then I have the Carribbean as plan B. I will kill myself if I don't even try to get into a US school. I have awesome letters of reference and a respected surgeon (one of my clients) on staff at the University who is backing me. You never know. Either way, she is very supportive of me these days. She is starting to notice that it is only 8 years of living like we were back in College. My dad is forking the bill with one caveat. If I don't finish then all of the debt is my responsibility.

[Kal-el]

Sheikh1,

I just read your post and feel your frustration. However, I caution you with the approach of I'll do it without her if that's what it takes, for one simple reason. Your son. You have the responsibility which you cannot solely throw on your wife. Does she know you wanted this for awhile, or is it I woke up one day, my career is not going that well, so I think I'll become a doctor? You need to lay out a set of plans, take her to dinner and show her where you will be and for how long. Many women seem to get absolutely frightened when they think of a foreign medical school. You need to focus on her concerns and show that you will be back in the states in a short amount of time. Living in Philly puts you very close to alot of approved clinical sites. You could be back in a Jiffy. How about a post-bac program? You are going to need her support. You are not in a good boat my friend.

[swimguy23]

play her in strip poker with the pot being you going to school in cayman and then rig the game. You get to play cards naked and go to med school.....its a win win situation!

ps i cant play poker and normally end up naked, but its better than the old days on the bar with dollar bills flyin around

[Kal-el]

Nice. Your post is indicative of having too much time on your hands to take medical school seriously. What a waste of a senior member. Would you mock your patients when they seek your help? I will not reply to any further posts of yours. I'm too busy playing solitaire and surfing the net in my meeting.

[restlesseye]

just some perspective for you.

wife and i had amazing careers with incomes which would have kept us happy until retirement. job security was there for the both of us. we had an amazing home, good friends etc... money was good in my career but i was unhappy and unfulfilled which made my wife unhappy.

we sold everything so i could go to school and its the best decision we ever made. we own nothing right now. who cares - its just money.

im just finishing my 2nd year at SGU and last year we had a baby girl. we survived hurricane IVAN as it tore the roof off our home.

dont want to get too involved with all the sacrifices we have made but we are glad we did.

on the island we have more time for each other and most of all for our daughter. relationship is stronger because we faced new challenges.

just do it!