Mature student with family seeks advice

[studentspouse]

We are having a hard time making this decision on our own so perhaps other families in similar situations can offer some advice. My husband, who is 42, just received confirmation that he can continue his medical studies in the caribbean, from where he left 3 years ago. WE live in Canada, have a 13 yr old son & a 10 yr old daugher. I am 42 and am currently working for the government and making a more than adequate salary. My husband has his own business and also brings in a good income. 3 yrs ago, he got accepted into med school in the caribbean and at that time, it seemed we made the best choice. My son came down with an chronic illness and my husband, after completing 2 semesters with honours, went on a leave, came back home and eventually never ended up going back. He now has a chance to return. I understand it will be difficult to come back to Canada and we have accepted that we will need to move to the US. We are looking at 3-4 years of completion of MD, then 4+ years of residency. We do not want to uproot right now...son is in high school and daughter in grade 5. If we move, it will be at start of residence, somewhere in the states. We are a closely knit family and the 3-4 years of separation are most difficult to accept. AT this point in our lives, we are asking ourselves, is it worth it? The positive outcomes would be fulfilling my husband life long dream and perhaps paving the way for our children to be successful if they want to pursue MD careers. Negative would be disruption to our household with my husband absent most of the time for the next few years (when the kids will be starting and finishing high school) We usually have no problems with making decisions, but this one has us stumped. Any advice out there? Thanks so much!

[TBL2008]

With our time in the Caribbean I knew many older students that left wife and kids in the US while they were in school. It was especially hard on them because they were missing out on those football and soccer games, the first school dances, and all the coming of age stuff that tweens and teens go through. It's a hard situation no matter what way you cut it! Just from my observations I saw these older students do very well in their course work because they had the emotional support and an extra drive to make it through. By far, the hardest part of the process will be the 1-2 years your husband will be in the Caribbean. During the clinical years traveling home will be easier to plan and predict. Moving around a few times in clinicals may be the name of the game. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing! Once he does get a residency spot you'll be set in one place for 3-4 years. Sorry there isn't easy answers when it comes to carving out 8 years of your life.

[studentspouse]

thanks TBL...it's conmforting to hear first hand observations and you've hit our concerns right on. The experiences you've indicated of the older students are making a difference in our decision making. thanks for your feedback.

[TBL2008]

I also wanted to say... as hard as it is being married going through the process of Caribbean med school I think in some ways it's harder to be single and alone going through the same process. I use to have such empathy for the single students back on the island. They didn't have a spouse to come home to (or call on the phone) and talk or vent. Having a souse on the island or back home is like a built in support system that the younger single students really long for. So in that way it's an advantage IMO.

Plus, when you see the honor society basically consist of 3/4 married students year after year........ you start to put two and two together!

[immunologic]

Absolutely TRUE!!

[TBL2008]

Originally Posted by immunologic

Absolutely TRUE!!

Thanks!

[studentspouse]

thanks for all the feedback...it's been helpful!

[Staedtler]

stay where you are while husband attends in the caribbean, wait til he matches in residency in the US (or Canada), before moving. don't give up your job in canada just yet.

the decision point to pull up stakes is come residency time. at that time, depending whatever visa your husband will have in the States, spouse can work too.

just IMO

Originally Posted by studentspouse

We are having a hard time making this decision on our own so perhaps other families in similar situations can offer some advice. My husband, who is 42, just received confirmation that he can continue his medical studies in the caribbean, from where he left 3 years ago. WE live in Canada, have a 13 yr old son & a 10 yr old daugher. I am 42 and am currently working for the government and making a more than adequate salary. My husband has his own business and also brings in a good income. 3 yrs ago, he got accepted into med school in the caribbean and at that time, it seemed we made the best choice. My son came down with an chronic illness and my husband, after completing 2 semesters with honours, went on a leave, came back home and eventually never ended up going back. He now has a chance to return. I understand it will be difficult to come back to Canada and we have accepted that we will need to move to the US. We are looking at 3-4 years of completion of MD, then 4+ years of residency. We do not want to uproot right now...son is in high school and daughter in grade 5. If we move, it will be at start of residence, somewhere in the states. We are a closely knit family and the 3-4 years of separation are most difficult to accept. AT this point in our lives, we are asking ourselves, is it worth it? The positive outcomes would be fulfilling my husband life long dream and perhaps paving the way for our children to be successful if they want to pursue MD careers. Negative would be disruption to our household with my husband absent most of the time for the next few years (when the kids will be starting and finishing high school) We usually have no problems with making decisions, but this one has us stumped. Any advice out there? Thanks so much!

[cavalletti]

Originally Posted by Staedtler

stay where you are while husband attends in the caribbean, wait til he matches in residency in the US (or Canada), before moving. don't give up your job in canada just yet.

the decision point to pull up stakes is come residency time. at that time, depending whatever visa your husband will have in the States, spouse can work too.

just IMO

That was good advice but the OP started the thread months ago. I'm sure they've made their decision and have moved on already. Wonder what they did.

[cavalletti]

Originally Posted by cavalletti

Wonder what they did.

Checked old posts, they've moved on to MUA already. All the best to the OP and family.