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  1. #1
    spongebobpentagonpants is offline Junior Member 512 points
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    A Nice Guy’s Guide to Dating Success

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    A Nice Guy’s Guide to Dating Success

    By Ann Palik



    Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever had the experience of liking a woman, being a perfect gentleman, and treating her like a queen, only to have her reject you in favor of someone else (possibly very handsome) who doesn’t treat her right, or doesn’t seem to care about her much at all? These kinds of men have been called “bad boys”, “charm boys”, or “players”. When you are interested in women, do they tend to see you as a friend or “brother” rather than a romantic interest? Do women tell you you’re “too nice”? If so, you are not alone. This article will give you, the nice guy, some tips on how to use charm-boy traits to your advantage, while retaining your nice-guy values.
    Let’s brainstorm for a minute. What makes charm boys or players attractive? They are fun, spontaneous, unpredictable, mysterious, and act as if they don’t care what others think of them (also known as confidence). They follow their own rules and don’t let others (including their dates) walk all over them. And they often look good.

    So what can you do? You don’t have to engage in risk-taking behaviors in order to succeed with women. Suggest some “safe” ideas on the spur of the moment; for example, “Let’s go get some sushi/ice cream/a Margarita”, or, “Let’s go for a drive and see where we end up”. If this is not the usual “you”, you may enjoy your new-found spontaneity. You can be mysterious/unpredictable without violating your principles. Don’t call her the day after getting her phone number or the day after a date. Give her time to wonder whether you’ll call; keep her guessing. People often want what isn’t easy to get, and women like a little challenge.

    You’re the man. Many women are looking for men who are confident and decisive, who can be relied on to get things done. On a date, take command but don’t be pushy. Always have a Plan A and a Plan B, so you don’t miss the concert just in case the restaurant loses your reservation and there’s a 1–1/2-hour wait. But always be flexible, in case your date hates Chinese food, for example, or she just told you her favorite musical group is in town, tonight only. Low-cost dates conducive to getting to know each other include the zoo, a museum, or miniature golf. In addition to saving you money, these low-cost dates also minimize the feeling that you have to “spoil” her or “buy” her affection with an extravagant wining-and-dining evening. And if she likes you, she won’t mind a “cheap” date; she just wants to be with you.

    Keep it light and upbeat. Don’t be needy or act nervous. You might be a bit anxious while on a date, but she doesn’t need to know that. Keep things light and humorous, and pay attention to her. That in itself will help you take the focus off you and help you feel more confident. And be a gentleman (you’re already good at this). For example, always offer to pick up the tab unless she insists on paying, open doors for her, etc. But don’t overdo the gifts, lest you appear desperate.

    Let her talk. This is where nice guys have an advantage. Most women like to communicate verbally and welcome the chance to be heard. (But make sure you listen; don’t just let your mind wander.) She will be impressed if you remember details about things that are important to her, such as her pet’s name or her favorite book. If you met her online, review her profile for questions you can ask her about her interests.

    Neatness counts. Take another hint from the charm boys.You don’t have to be a Brad Pitt look-alike, but make the most of what you have. Review your grooming, clothes, and accessories with an objective eye. If you want feedback, ask a friend—possibly a female friend—for honest input. Or tune into one of the new TV shows which focus on wardrobe/grooming tips for men.

    Have a life (and a backbone). Just because you are dating a woman doesn’t mean you drop everything else (including your own friends, hobbies, and interests). After all, relationships can come and go. Keep being yourself. You are not always at her beck and call. When you really don’t want to do something (for example, if she wants you to cancel your ballgame or night out with your friends to go shoe shopping with her), it’s okay to decline. Telling her no may be difficult for nice guys, but if she’s worth keeping, she will respect you for this and value her time with you more. To soften the blow, you might offer her an alternative get-together. For example, “Sorry I can’t make it on Saturday. How about I take you to that new play you’ve been wanting to see on Sunday instead?”

    How does she rate? Remember: You have the right to evaluate her, not just the other way around. Does she deserve a second date? Is she relationship material (if that’s what you’re looking for)? Just because she’s attractive/smart/classy doesn’t necessarily mean she’s right for you. Does she treat you well? Is she kind? Does she have decent self-esteem? Is she giving? If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, can you see yourself still with her in 20 years, when some of the supermodel looks may have begun to fade?

    The good news for nice guys is that as women get older, perhaps having survived a bad-boy heartbreak or two, they are more likely to appreciate nice guys. Make a list of your good points, the qualities you have to offer. Keep at it. And start believing that you are a catch (or at least act like it)!
    Last edited by spongebobpentagonpants; 08-21-2005 at 08:58 PM.

  2. #2
    microphage's Avatar
    microphage is offline Useless Member 511 points
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    Hummm, Rule #1-Don't ever be a nice guy... You never want to hear that "He's a nice guy but...."
    Finally beat Super Mario Bros within 7 mins.

  3. #3
    stephew is offline Moderator Guru 512 points
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    Quote Originally Posted by microphage
    Hummm, Rule #1-Don't ever be a nice guy... You never want to hear that "He's a nice guy but...."
    stupidest advice ever, usually from a single guy.
    Steph
    If you get a warning, put on yer manpants and stop whining about it.

  4. #4
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    swimguy23 is offline Elite Member 516 points
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    Quote Originally Posted by stephew
    stupidest advice ever, usually from a single guy.
    its so hard for us gorgeous nice guys to be taken seriously by women. we try so hard to be a good friend but its demeaning to have girls want you for your body and looks
    Hospitalist 2011-2012
    Hematology/Oncology 2012-2015

    some swimmer from Ct Hidden Content
    the problem with the gene pool is that there are too many lifeguards.....and we have been offering swimmies

  5. #5
    azskeptic's Avatar
    azskeptic is offline Moderator 662 points
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    successful dating

    Don't mention that you are still living at home or have a stalking conviction. Guaranteed dealbreakers
    Moderator - State Licensing Forum

    Still skeptical after all these years.
    This is it. There are no hidden meanings.WYSIWYG

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  6. #6
    microphage's Avatar
    microphage is offline Useless Member 511 points
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    Quote Originally Posted by stephew
    stupidest advice ever, usually from a single guy.
    Wow, why all the hostility?

    Would you like to talk about it?
    Finally beat Super Mario Bros within 7 mins.

  7. #7
    spongebobpentagonpants is offline Junior Member 512 points
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    Nice guy should get laid more often!

    Ode to the Nice Guys
    This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and man's best friending about what place to exchange gass guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

    This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

    This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

    The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative man's best friendes. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete *** now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

    So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

    Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003

  8. #8
    DocRon's Avatar
    DocRon is offline Member 511 points
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    All too true....

    Quote Originally Posted by swimguy23
    its so hard for us gorgeous nice guys to be taken seriously by women. we try so hard to be a good friend but its demeaning to have girls want you for your body and looks
    Finally, someone who understands what my life is like on a daily basis!!!!
    Bigger, stronger, higher, faster...I am my only master....even after I get what I'm after...Bigger, stronger, higher, faster....-Haziq

    "Move forward and rise above......so you can settle into where you want to be......"

  9. #9
    dyahlfever is offline Newbie
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    honestly i prefer a nice guy. a lot of us do.

  10. #10
    DM2006 is offline Newbie 510 points
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    I think that women and men mean different things when saying "nice guy." To women, "nice guy" may mean a hunky tall athletic impeccably tanned millionnaire with snow-white teeth, hair that breaks the brush twice a week, a yacht and confidence of a main battle tank. To men, "nice guy" may mean a geeky, scoliotic, socially inept cubicle dweller who uses a monthly train pass.
    How to get into medical school
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